


like i want you

by svtbz



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Amnesia, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel Yoon Jeonghan, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Car Accidents, Developing Relationship, Emotional Sex, Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Eventual Smut, Hand Jobs, Hospitalization, Kissing, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Chan | Dino are Siblings, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Married Sex, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, forgot to add the smut tags so, jeongcheol - Freeform, kind of sad, like a lot of kissing, vernon dino and seungkwan are teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svtbz/pseuds/svtbz
Summary: seungcheol is in a horrible car accident that gives him amnesia and makes him forget the life he had before, leaving a husband he doesn’t remember to pick up the pieces of what was left.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 211





	1. who are you?

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my 2nd fic on ao3 being published, and i just had to write something jeongcheol related. the first chapter explains what happened to seungcheol and when he wakes up, so it’s all set in the hospital for now. enjoy reading! (title is from this song: https://youtu.be/uCPjdfCUowg)

the first thing that seungcheol heard when he woke was the steady beep of his own heart on the machine. 

his eyelids felt like they were taped shut, heavy on his face, but he forced them open anyway. 

the first thing he saw was his own body, stiff underneath the blankets. an iv drip connected to him through a tube stuck in his arm. the too bright fluorescent lights on the ceiling that made his eyes hurt even more. a little painting of a sailboat in the far right corner of the room, next to the window that had the blinds opened in front of it. a tv directly across the room from his bed that was muted but still playing some random movie.

then he noticed the person sitting in a chair with their head down beside his body. 

he jumped, not expecting anyone to be in the room with him. his movement stirred the person sleeping next to him and they slowly sat up. 

seungcheol’s own movement caused sharp pain to flood through his head and he groaned to voice the sudden onslaught of feeling. the person, who was stretching lazily before, turned to look at him.

their eyes met, and seungcheol felt something else, close to the pain in his head, in his chest.

the person accompanying him was gorgeous. they had soft eyes that were just brown but so warm, so...comforting? seungcheol looked closer and could see that they had produced tears recently, a tired glaze hanging over their eyes. their hair was platinum blonde, with pink lips to match. they had high cheekbones and unmarked pale skin that looked soft to the touch.

they looked like an angel. 

a gasp escaped them. "s-seungcheol?" 

surprised that they knew his name, seungcheol tilted his head.

the person left out a sob, fresh tears flowing down their beautiful face. 

"oh my god, cheol!"

they lept up and straddled his lap, wrapping their arms around seungcheol’s neck and crying into his shoulder. their entire body shook with their sobs and seungcheol hesitantly put his hands on their back to stop them from shaking. 

"i-" another wet sob interrupted the person on his lap. "i-i thought i lost you, i thought you were gone. my love, oh my love..."

their words died on their tongue as they pulled back and stared at seungcheol again. before he could speak, a soft pair of lips were placed on his. he made a noise, completely caught off guard and pulled back.

"what’s wrong? did i hurt you? oh baby, i’m so sorry-"

they pecked him gently this time, then peppered his face with more feather light kisses. 

"wha-who," seungcheol finally managed to get out. the person in his lap looked him in the eye.

"who...who are you?"

seungcheol almost wished he could take the words back. the person visibly froze, and their entire body deflated. the happiness looked completely sucked out of them.

"you don’t know who i am?" they asked in a tiny, heartbroken voice. seungcheol shook his head.

they got off of him, moving towards the door but keeping their eyes on him.

"i’m gonna get the doctor, just hold on."

seungcheol could hear the tears building up in their voice and already regretted saying the words he did.

* * *

a nice woman named doctor bae came in and checked on him, looking at his vitals and blood pressure, then asking him questions. he didn’t know the answer to any of them, and he was frustrated that no one told him why he was here yet.

"mr. choi," she started, pulling a chair closer to his bed.

"seungcheol."

"seungcheol," she smiled and seungcheol tried to return it but didn’t think he executed it well because hers dropped before she spoke again.

"tell me what you know." she said slowly.

the man groaned. "i don’t know anything! aren’t you supposed to be the one telling me things!"

his eyes glanced over to the person who hugged and kissed him earlier, who was nervously biting at their thumbnail by the door while watching them speak.

"i know this is frustrating seungcheol, but i need to know what knowledge you have of the events prior to your arrival at the hospital so i can assess your mental state. please, just bear with me."

seungcheol sighed. he didn’t mean to be an asshole to the doctor, she was just trying to help. but he just wanted some answers because right now he felt helpless. like a mouse trapped in a box with no light and no way out.

"i...i remember getting into my car? i was going somewhere i think, and...i turned but someone else had turned right in front of me and i tried to get out of the way. that’s it."

doctor bae nodded and took a breath.

"seungcheol, you were in a car accident. the collision was caused by the other driver who came off the highway too fast and drove right into you. you sustained a serious concussion, some broken ribs, and internal bleeding but we’ve fixed you up and you’ve been healing well."

"h-how..." he swallowed roughly. "how long have i been here?"

doctor bae’s expression changed to something sad and seungcheol felt like he was going to be sick. 

"almost a month."

a month??? a whole month of his life, he spent here in a hospital bed unconscious and unaware of anything that was going on around him?

"what about the other driver? where is he?"

a silence hung in the air and seungcheol didn’t need doctor bae to answer anymore. 

"you seem to have amnesia based on the very traumatic damage that has happened to your body. i’m not surprised it effected your brain as well. i want to keep you for a little bit longer, to run some more tests and some scans. just to make sure we didn’t miss anything. i’ll tell the nurse to bring you something to eat."

the woman got up and patted his shoulder, bowing at the person who hugged him and then slipping out of the door. she poked her head in to speak once more.

"this man is your husband seungcheol, his name is choi jeonghan. he’s been here by your side the entire time. be kind to him. it’s clear that he loves you very much."

seungcheol pressed his lips together and looked at jeonghan who was wiping away his tears. 

"hey..." he said, forcing a smile onto his face. he sat where the doctor had and placed his hands in his lap. 

"i know you don’t remember but it’s me, hannie. you talked to me on the phone before...before it happened. oh! here.”

the man, his husband apparently, fished out his phone and unlocked it to open the photos app. 

"maybe some pictures might help." he thought out loud. "this is us at the beach last year...and this is us at a party, there’s mingyu and jun!"

jeonghan laughed a little and seungcheol nodded along, pretending he had any clue about who these people he once knew were.

"this is our wedding day...you made me so happy." jeonghan smiled, really smiled at him and seungcheol smiled back as much as he could. 

"our fourth year anniversary is in a few months. we were talking about where we wanted to go to celebrate."

seungcheol watched him set his phone down gently on the bed and grab his hand. he kissed his knuckles and nuzzled his face against the skin of his palm.

"i love you so, so much. i know you may not remember but just know," jeonghan’s voice cracked and seungcheol could see the tears well up in his eyes again. "i love you more than anything in this world cheollie, okay?"

seungcheol felt bad. like he should know who his own husband and friends were. but his mind was completely blank. no memories, no flashbacks. just a clean white slate.

a nurse knocked on the door and came in with a tray of food. jeonghan stood up and walked towards the door.

"i’m going to call your family and some friends, eat your food. i’ll be right back."

seungcheol wished he knew what family and friends jeonghan was talking about.

* * *

his parents came first, and seungcheol got choked up himself seeing his family. it was relieving to recognize at least some people.

"i always told you your driving would kill you!" his dad joked, smacking him upside the head and kissing his the top of his head soon after.

his friends arrived around the same time they did, but waited outside until they left to actually come in, he guessed they were trying not to overwhelm him.

another very handsome, angelic-looking man came in. a man with dark red hair followed him, along with another who had a small build but serious expression on his face.

jeonghan got up quick and hugged them all. "cheol, this is-"

"jihoon! soonyoung!"

he could recognize his childhood friends anywhere.

soonyoung burst into tears and crushed him in a hug, which made him laugh. jihoon joined them, and seungcheol felt lighter. he knew them, they were his best friends, and they were here for him. 

"okay okay, my ribs still hurt." he coughed with a smile.

"sorry!" soonyoung sniffled. seungcheol looked past him at the man still standing beside jeonghan. 

"hey." he said.

"hey?" 

jeonghan eyed them both before clearing his throat. "do you know who this is?"

seungcheol furrowed his brows. "it’s all so fuzzy. i feel like i do, but it’s just...not there. i’m sorry."

the man nodded briefly, chewing his lip before inhaling sharply. "it’s okay, it’s not your fault. i...i’m gonna go. i’ll see you later guys."

he didn’t stay for an response.

"ah, jisoo-hyung will be alright. he was taking all of it pretty hard when it happened, but he’ll come back to see you." jihoon reassured him. 

a knock interrupted them and jeonghan opened the door to let a someone else into the room. he held the hand of another man who was a few inches taller than him.

"this is seokmin and junhui, they’re good friends of mine. they were next to me in some of the wedding pictures i showed you earlier." jeonghan leaned in next to junhui’s ear. "be patient with him, please. he’s a little overwhelmed."

seokmin greeted him with a friendly smile and sat on the bed while junhui talked to jeonghan. he was calm even though seungcheol could tell he wanted to talk to the man he knew before the accident. the one who recognized him.

jeonghan’s friends left after an hour but seungcheol had to beg his to go home, despite how much he wanted them to stay.

"we’ll be back tomorrow as soon as you wake up! goodnight hyung!" soonyoung announced, blowing him kisses as jihoon pushed him out the door. 

"take it easy hyung, or i’ll come back and beat your ass myself. get some rest." 

jeonghan laughed as he shut the door. silence quickly came back as soon as it left. seungcheol hated how awkward he was with someone he was supposed to know. someone he was supposed to love.

"are you leaving too?"

jeonghan rubbed his arms. "do...do you want me to?"

seungcheol shook his head. even if he couldn’t talk to his husband, having him there beside him made the man feel...safer.

and his heart thrummed at the small smile that appeared on jeonghan’s face. 

"b-but i don’t know if i’m allowed to be here with you overnight when you just woke up, cheol-" he started, shifting his feet nervously.

"jeonghan."

he looked up from the floor.

"i want you to stay. please."

he pulled back his blankets and made some space on the left side of his bed. jeonghan turned off the lights and stepped out of his shoes before climbing in. he wasted no time in snuggling next seungcheol, his head resting in his neck and a small hand placed on his chest. 

seungcheol sighed. their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces and it felt familiar. it felt right.

"i..." he was interrupted by jeonghan letting out a pleased sound when his hand ran up his back subconsciously. seungcheol licked his lips, the words suddenly getting stuck in his throat. "jeonghan i’m really glad that you’re here, for me. everything is so...confusing and blurry. i have no idea who i was and what my life was like, but just having you beside me...it makes things a lot less scary.”

jeonghan stared at him. he was crying again and seungcheol felt terrible. he hadn’t meant to make the man upset. 

“i’m sorry-“

jeonghan held his face in his small hands and kissed him, again, with all his might. seungcheol didn’t stop him, but he didn’t kiss back. he kept getting caught by surprise, and as familiar as jeonghan felt, he would have to get used to the unprecedented closeness.

his husband pulled back and looked at him with weary eyes. 

“i would do anything for you cheollie. i’ll never leave your side. even if we have to start all over again...i’ll be right here.”

and it reassured seungcheol’s heart. things would return back to normal. he will have his life back, and his friends....and he would always have jeonghan.


	2. no space needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungcheol and jeonghan go home!

seungcheol spent a few more days in the hospital after waking. doctors ran more tests, and fortunately for him he was healing well. his friends and family visited every day to cheer up his sour mood due to still being stuck at the hospital. and of course, jeonghan too.

his husband was a very theatrical man. he told seungcheol of all the things that happened while he was unconscious, and about literally anything else. jeonghan talked quite a bit. 

the blonde sat beside seungcheol almost every day, and laid beside him almost every night. he had to beg the other to go home and get some actual rest. sleeping in a hospital bed with another full grown man wasn’t as comfortable as he pretended it was. 

jeonghan took seungcheol around the hospital, first in a wheelchair, then holding onto his back and arm as they shuffled slowly down the hallways. he never pushed seungcheol but he never let him give up when he hadn’t walked a good distance either. 

sometimes jeonghan was a little too helpful, even though seungcheol hated himself for even thinking it. he was jittery even if he hid it well, always looking at cheol wearily like he was going to fall over if he didn’t keep his eyes on him. 

but seungcheol was sure if the roles were reversed, he would do the same. 

that is, if he actually remembered jeonghan. 

he couldn’t even go to the bathroom on his own. he pleaded for jeonghan to leave him be for a few minutes, but his husband wouldn’t have it.

“besides cheollie,” he giggled with his eyes closed. “we’ve been together since college, it’s not anything i haven’t seen before.”

seungcheol groaned in embarrassment, willing his body to hurry up so he could get out of this situation as soon as humanly possible. but jeonghan’s laughter made him feel a little bit better about it. 

it continued on like this for another week, and finally he was released to go home. 

he stood looking around the room that he’s been all he’s known for the past few weeks. 

“what’s wrong?” the familiar voice called out softly. he turned his head to look at jeonghan sitting on the bed, folding his clothes and placing them back into his suitcase neatly.

seungcheol shook his head. “nothing. i’m just...ready to get out of here.” 

jeonghan smiled brightly, and seungcheol couldn’t help but smile back.

they continued gathering his things in comfortable silence. jeonghan waited patiently at the door of the room as seungcheol gave it one last look before stepping into the hallway.

“i’m ready.” he said a bit breathlessly. jeonghan nodded, holding out his hand. seungcheol looked down at it, trying to mask his hesitation.

“y-you don’t have to, i just-i don’t know i thought you might-“ jeonghan stuttered, eyes stuck to the floor. 

seungcheol silenced his husband by taking his smaller hand in his, making sure his grip was firm. 

“come on,” he started walking and pulled jeonghan along. “let’s go home.”

* * *

seungcheol entered the apartment slowly, trying his best to act like he remembered it.

it was a nice size for only two people, with a living room full of furniture and a kitchen right across from it, the table with more chairs than he thought were needed off to the side. 

his eyes flit around, trying to take it all in when he noticed something he hadn’t seen when they entered. 

“you play the piano?” he asked jeonghan, looking back over to the beautiful instrument in the far corner of the living room. the blonde nodded.

“yeah! i tutor some private school kids at home. their parents are filthy rich and i didn’t want to be an actual full-time music teacher so uh, it all works out. i stopped when...when you had your accident.” 

it was quiet between them. seungcheol couldn’t help be feel that the downfall of jeonghan’s life was all his fault. 

“there’s some pictures on the coffee table and the wall by the tv, if you want to look. i’ll take your stuff back to the room.” jeonghan suggested. his voice was light, as always, which seungcheol realized was something he liked a lot about him. 

he was going to decline looking at them but his husband had already retreated into the hallway, which he guessed led to the bedroom-their bedroom.

seungcheol felt weird coming back to “his” home. he was relieved to be out of the hospital but seeing the space where he had lived and not recognizing anything frustrated him.

he shuffled over to the wall jeonghan had pointed out and gazed up at the framed pictures.

different memories of him and jeonghan-separate, together, and with others-mocked him. they were gleaming, as if to say, _“_ _ you’ll never be this happy again! ”  _

the couple at a beach, with seungcheol holding up a smiling jeonghan in the air, mid-spin. another image of them at an amusement park, hugging under a cherry blossom tree. their college graduation, jeonghan holding seungcheol’s face and kissing him while he was grinning.

seungcheol’s felt a painful twinge strike him in the chest.

there were others that he still couldn’t remember. photo booth pictures of jeonghan, seokmin, junhui, and the man who he had met at the hospital but left-jisoo? a group picture of himself and three younger men wearing mechanic uniforms in front of a shop he recognized as his job. 

then he saw the wedding pictures.

he couldn’t bring himself to stare at them as long as he did with the others. the sight of him and jeonghan, stupidly in love, feeding each other cake and dancing together, compared to their situation now filled him with anger. 

why was his own husband, once the love of his life, now a stranger to him? why didn’t he feel the familiar sense of comfort in his own home? when would his life return to him? 

he dropped down onto the couch with his head in his hands, so occupied with his inner turmoil he didn’t hear jeonghan come back to the living room. 

“okay it’s not too late so i can make dinner if you-hey, cheol?” 

he felt the cushion beside him sink but didn’t move. he didn’t want jeonghan to see the look on his face because he would  automatically know, and seungcheol couldn’t hurt jeonghan anymore right now.

“what’s wrong? you feeling okay?” his husband was right there, fingers curled around his bicep, hand rubbing his back, voice whispering in his ear. but he still felt like he was miles away.

“i can’t, jeonghan. god, this house, the pictures, all of it’s here for me to remember but _i_ _can’t!_ ” seungcheol’s voice broke on the word and he inhaled shakily to keep himself from breaking. 

jeonghan was silent for a while and seungcheol felt awful but he couldn’t lie to him. that would only make it worse, and he didn’t want them to backtrack even more than they already had.

“it’s okay baby.” the pet name made him freeze but jeonghan just continued. “doctor bae said you would gain back your memory slowly. don’t-don’t push yourself. it’ll come.” 

seungcheol looked up at jeonghan’s delicate features, and even though his eyes were shining with tears, he smiled. he looked so collected, and _gorgeous_.

“all you need to know right now is that i love you. i love you so much cheollie, and we’ll get through this, okay?” 

seungcheol nodded, sighing when jeonghan’s forehead rested against his. he hesitated before gently nosing seungcheol’s cheek, sighing himself when there was no negative reaction.

jeonghan did end up making him dinner and cleaning up even when seungcheol offered to help. 

“it’s fine cheol! besides, i would normally force you to do the dishes because i’m too lazy.” he giggled playfully and seungcheol smiled at his explanation of a memory that he couldn’t visualize.

“and even though you’ve been bed ridden your ribs will still be sore, no strenuous activities!” the blonde said over the sound of running water.

seungcheol scowled. “doctor bae meant stuff like exercise and-uh,”

“sex?” 

his head whipped around to face jeonghan but quickly turned back to face the living room when their eyes met. his were still playful, twinkling with what seungcheol guessed was mischief.

“i-“

“as much as i may want to, i highly doubt we’ll be doing any of  that any time soon.” his husband dried his hands and placed them on his hips. “alright mister, it’s time for bed.”

“what am i, a child?”

jeonghan gave him a stern look and seungcheol shut up. “yes, to me you are for the time being. you need to rest, you’ve done more moving around today then you have in a month.”

seungcheol wouldn’t admit it but jeonghan was right. he wasn’t physically tired, but mentally. he wanted to rest but that’s all he’s been doing for the past fucking month. he should be trying to get his life back, but he wouldn’t bring that up now.

he let jeonghan pull him towards  their bedroom, awkwardly sitting on the bed as jeonghan went into the bathroom. 

“do you want to wash up?” he called out.

seungcheol shook his head. “i already did before we left the hospital. um...jeonghan?” 

soft footsteps were heard before he appeared in the doorway. “hmm?”

the other man bowed his head, avoiding his husband’s eyes. “where um, where are my clothes?”

jeonghan pointed to a dresser to the left of the bed. “your clothes are all on the left side. if you try on anything and it’s too small, then it’s mine.” 

“thank you.”

jeonghan smiled tiredly and returned to the bathroom. 

seungcheol picked out some pajama pants and another t-shirt, trying to strip but immediately stopping as pain shot through his side. 

“fuck,” he grimaced, gingerly placing his fingers underneath his shirt again and lifting it only a few inches before giving up. 

he needed help, but he could wait until jeonghan came back. 

it was only a few more minutes until he did. he was now wearing a too large shirt that he assumed was actually his, it covering his top half and shorts that showed his pretty legs.

“i uh-i need some help...taking this off.” seungcheol announced sheepishly. 

and again, jeonghan just smiled. 

dainty fingers rolled up his shirt and pulled it over his head, careful for it to not touch his bruised skin. 

“pants too?” he asked. 

seungcheol frowned. “i think i got it. let me just-“ 

he stood and unbuttoned his jeans, leaning over to pull them down but stopping as soon as he tried.

“hey hey, i got you.” 

jeonghan lowered himself on his knees and rolled them down his legs, letting his husband hold onto his shoulders as he stepped out of them. 

seungcheol shuffled on his feet awkwardly, aware of how exposed he was now. it didn’t help the way jeonghan’s eyes were trailing over his body. 

“u-um. jeonghan.” 

“sorry, sorry.” 

silence hung over the two as he focused on redressing seungcheol. he hesitated with the shirt in his hands.

“normally you wouldn’t wear a shirt to bed.” he said softly, looking up at cheol through his eyelashes for a split second before going back down to the piece of clothing.

seungcheol blinked at him. 

“no don’t,” jeonghan sighed. he gnawed at his lip and seungcheol had to force himself to tear his eyes away from the act. 

“ _don’t_...take that the wrong way. i just want you to be comfortable, really. sleep in whatever you want. i’m okay with it...remember what i said in the kitchen.” he tried to smile but he looked pained.

seungcheol nodded, looking at the shirt then jeonghan. the uneasy tension between them kind of made him wish he was still unconscious.

“i’ll wear it...for tonight.” jeonghan nodded and placed it over his head.

he climbed into bed first, watching seungcheol’s back as he walked into the bathroom. when he came back there were two extra pillows on his side. 

“jeonghan i’m okay, you can have these.” he smiled softly at the gesture. 

“take one then, we’ll both have two.” and he just agreed silently with his husband. 

it was quiet as they stared at the tv, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. seungcheol couldn’t help but glance at jeonghan a few times. though he couldn’t remember, he could understand why the past version of himself fell in love with the other. 

he was sure he could do it again.

“hey, um,” he whispered, startling jeonghan who had his eyes closed. “you can...you can come closer if you want. i don’t mind.”

jeonghan looked up at him. “are you sure cheol? i know that this is...different, than the hospital bed, so you can have your space if you need it.” 

“i don’t need space.” he said quickly.

jeonghan continued to stare, but finally moved  over and closed the space between them. it wasn’t much, but their bodies were touching and when jeonghan’s head took it’s place on his shoulder he felt himself slowly become less tense. 

“goodnight cheollie. i love you.” his husband said. 

seungcheol swallowed. “goodnight jeonghan.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all again for reading!! i’m very excited for the story’s progression y’all, i have many many ideas on what i want to happen between jeonghcheol and everyone else ;))) kudos, comments, and any feedback at all is all greatly appreciated!


	3. better than ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just jeonghan missing seungcheol, and seungcheol not knowing what he’s missing.

seungcheol slept better than he ever had the first night back home since the time he was in the hospital.

he rested fine on the sinking hospital mattress with jeonghan, but this...he had never been so comfortable in his life. 

from what he remembered of it, anyway.

jeonghan was in the same position he was always in: body tucked next to seungcheol’s, head in the crook of his neck and legs curled around his. 

seungcheol knew he probably wasn’t going to fall back asleep now but he would rather be frozen in time forever than accidentally wake jeonghan up.

he laid there and stared at the man across from him. jeonghan’s face was blank, no real emotion to figure out, but he was still so fucking  _beautiful._

long eyelashes covered his cheeks, and his lips were slightly pursed like he was pouting. his hair covered his most eyes to make him look so innocent. seungcheol stayed there, looking at him for minutes on end. but he never got bored. he could always find a feature of jeonghan’s that was just extraordinary to him.

he didn’t register jeonghan was awake until he found his eyes again, staring right back at him.

jeonghan blinked slowly, showing cute little teeth in a smile. “oh. good morning cheollie.”

every time his husband called him the nickname seungcheol felt as if someone released a swarm of butterflies and let them find their way into his stomach.

“good morning.” he said as calmly as possible.

“did you sleep well?” the blonde’s arms reached over his head as he stretched, a soft groan filling the little space between them. seungcheol held his breath.

“y-yeah. really well, actually. way better than i did at the hospital.” he answered.

jeonghan giggled. “good. maybe your body missed home more than you originally thought, huh?” 

seungcheol nodded subconsciously, not really paying attention to what the other was saying. he couldn’t stop looking at jeonghan’s lips as his mouth moved. he didn’t know why but he was fascinated with the way jeonghan formed his words and how his mouth looked and he would love to have it against his again.

he froze at his own thoughts and jeonghan noticed. 

“you okay?” 

hair was brushed out of his eyes, and seungcheol blinked in surprise when he felt the soft palm on his skin. 

a thumb rubbed circles onto his cheek. “cheol?” 

forming words was suddenly the hardest task in the world. 

“i’m okay jeonghan. thanks.”

jeonghan raised a perfect eyebrow. “for what?”

the older hesitated before he spoke. “for always asking and..being here for me. even though it’s hurting you. thank you.” seungcheol’s expression was grave. he watched jeonghan carefully, analyzing every inch of his face and committing it to memory so he would never forget again.

“how many times do i have to say it seungcheol? i will always be here for you, always. no matter what. you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

seungcheol laughed. he fully chuckled at the blonde’s words and as their laughter died down he found himself staring at jeonghan again, but didn’t dare try to hide it.

“i would never want to.” he whispered sincerely. 

jeonghan faltered and didn’t respond, staring back at the man across from him. but he didn’t need to speak. seungcheol was learning how to read him again, how to see through his poorly crafted facade of neutrality. 

jeonghan missed him. he missed the old seungcheol who wasn’t afraid to show his compassion for his husband, who wasn’t afraid to love him unabashedly and unashamed. who wasn’t afraid at all.

and seungcheol wasn’t his old self, but he was trying. 

they continued to watch each other in silence. jeonghan’s hand had moved from seungcheol’s face to his larger palm, caressing the lines and skin.

with every passing second seungcheol felt himself unraveling. he was trying so hard to distance himself from jeonghan just a bit, so he could take their already built relationship in step by step, but god he was making it impossible when he just looked like that. 

jeonghan glanced down at his lips, and back at his eyes before clearing his throat loudly.

“hungry? i um, i can cook breakfast. come on.”

he didn’t give the other a chance to answer as he pushed the blankets off of them and practically leapt out of their bed.

seungcheol watched him walk out and painfully wished he had pulled him back in.

* * *

once again, jeonghan had cooked a full meal for seungcheol and refused to let him do anything to help. seungcheol, unhappy with the feeling of being a burden, incased jeonghan in his arms.

“thank you.” he whispered in his ear before pecking him lightly on the cheek. he smiled to his husband as he pulled away. “i’m gonna take a shower, and no, i don’t need your help. i promise ill be alright for five minutes.” 

seungcheol walked off before jeonghan could protest, but let their intertwined hands pull apart at the last second. he smiled to himself, thinking of the pretty blush on jeonghan’s pretty face.

he had already stepped out of his clothes and gotten under the hot water, letting it wet his hair and trying to use the scalding temperature as a distraction from his buzzing thoughts on his husband, when the devil spoke himself. 

“cheol? can i come in?”

confusion took over his face, but he responded anyway. “uh, yeah?”

he heard the door open and saw jeonghan’s silhouette on the shower curtain.

“i’m sorry, i was gonna run some errands today but i’m running later than i thought i was- i mean is it um...if you don’t mind, can i hop in with you, really quick? i’ll only take a few minutes at most! but if you’re uncomfortable with that, it’s okay!” jeonghan rambled over the loud sound of the water hitting the linoleum floor.

seungcheol took a second to process his words. “uh...”

“actually, forget i asked. i’m sor-“

“no, get in.” 

jeonghan was silent, and seungcheol had to pull back the curtain a bit to make sure he was still there.

“if...if you’re running late, i don’t want to make you wait for me to finish. so come on in.” he avoided his husband’s eyes, leaving the curtain open a bit as an invitation for him to step in.

he almost believed jeonghan was having second thoughts until he heard the soft sound of clothing falling to the floor. he jumped a bit when he saw jeonghan entering the shower through the other end and standing directly in front of him.

naked.

“thank you cheollie. i really hope i’m not making you uncomfortable.” the blonde said, his voice soft, making seungcheol strain his ears to hear him.

but he shook his head. “it’s fine.” 

jeonghan then turned his back towards him and got underneath the shower head, wiping water over his face. he rolled his neck and shoulders, pushing his wet hair back.

seungcheol almost asked if he was pulling some kind of sick prank on him.

he kept his eyes on the other man’s calves, and even that part of his body was beautiful but he refused to look up any further to confirm his thoughts.

“you know cheol,” he heard, and looked up quickly to meet jeonghan’s eyes. he was smiling. “you don’t have to keep your eyes glued to the floor. we’ve been married for four years, i don’t mind if you look...it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” he said cheekily, then went back to washing his hair as it nothing happened. 

this was definitely a dream. there’s no way this was actually happening to him. 

“j-jeonghan!” and he just giggled at seungcheol’s embarrassment, as he always did.

the older didn’t avoid looking at jeonghan’s physique this time. he scanned all over, from his slender legs to his back, swallowing harshly as he ogled at his small waist and only allowing himself a quick glance to his ass. 

jeonghan was facing him now, and he blushed at being caught until he noticed his husband doing the same to him. 

he watched jeonghan look him up and down, observing when his eyes seemed to be stuck on his chest and arms. 

jeonghan’s look was different than his. he could tell. he didn’t seem hungry, or pained like himself. no, seungcheol saw a sense of longing in jeonghan’s stare. yearning, aching. 

he watched the younger step closer to him, their noses almost touching. he shivered, even though the steam could be seen around them. a hand was ghosting over his side. fingertips lightly skimmed over the bruising covering his skin. he could see sadness flash in jeonghan’s eyes.

the hand moved up, over his chest, pressing against his neck for a split second and coming to rest on his cheek like it had that morning. 

he didn’t resist settling into the touch, nuzzling against the familiar feeling of jeonghan’s softness.

he saw it before he felt it. jeonghan lurching forward but kissing him gently, barely moving his mouth. seungcheol fought to stop himself from trembling. 

it lasted a second, but seungcheol wouldn’t allow himself to react.

jeonghan pulled back and suddenly he was gone. the bathroom door opened and his footsteps were the only evidence that he existed, the sound growing farther and farther from seungcheol as he stood under the hot water. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably my least favorite chapter, i feel like it’s too short and kinda boring. the next one will be better for y’all! but as always thank you very much for reading :)))


	4. halfway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some friends visit seungcheol to knock some sense into him.

seungcheol felt like a hermit. all his daily activities consisted of sitting at home and watching tv. over the course of days that seungcheol had been back at their apartment, jeonghan would allow him to do minuscule tasks that required little to no effort. he would sit at the table, glancing at his husband as he dried dishes, or standing in the doorway as he made the bed. seungcheol appreciated the concern, he really did, but god he didn’t need to be coddled. 

“cheol!” he heard the angelic voice call from down the hall. his eyes remained glued to the tv, even though he wasn’t paying attention to whatever was on at all. 

“cheol, i’m going to go to the bank and pay a bill. i shouldn’t be too long but i might stop at the store because we need toilet paper and some more laundry detergent...you can come if you want. i know sitting here all day is making you restless.” jeonghan said softly, crossing his arms over the back of the sofa next to seungcheol’s head. 

the older just shook his head. “i’m fine.” 

jeonghan stared at him for a few seconds. seungcheol could feel his eyes on him and squirmed, silently wishing he would just leave already so he could mope in peace. 

“hey, why don’t you invite someone over?” he suggested. fingers ran up his neck to play with the hair at his nape, and seungcheol stopped breathing. he needed jeonghan to get out of here,  expeditiously . he couldn’t be around the man without feeling like a sexually repressed version of himself (which he was, more or less). it was embarrassing, and seungcheol had the feeling jeonghan knew  exactly what he was doing, which made it even worse. 

“i’m sure your friends miss you! call them to hang out for a bit while i’m gone.” more brief silence, and the way jeonghan looked at seungcheol made him squirm. “okay well, i’m off. i’ll see you in a bit cheollie.” 

there was nothing, then seungcheol felt light pressure on his cheek. he looked over to jeonghan’s retreating form, gulping when their eyes met and he saw that mischievous smile. 

once the door shut he fumbled around the couch for his phone. his fingers automatically went to his facetime log and pressed the contact.

it rang a few times before he saw his friend’s forehead appear. 

“h-hey hyung.” jihoon said with his voice cracking. seungcheol furrowed his eyebrows. 

“hey...are you okay? you sound like you’re in pain.” 

his best friend shook his head quickly. “no i’m- ah , soonyoung! stop it!” 

seungcheol’s eyes widened. 

“oh my god! please tell me you’re not doing what i think you’re doing.” 

he heard the familiar sound of soonyoung’s boisterous laughter a bit farther away from the phone. 

“he’s not doing anything!” he said, nose and eyes coming in to the camera view. “but i am.” soonyoung winked before pulling back out of the screen.

“soonyoung get off!” 

“what do you think i’m doing right now?” 

“okay i’m hanging up now!” seungcheol proclaimed loudly.

“no hyung, wait! get the fuck off of me soonyoung, jesus.” he heard a grunt from his other friend and shuffling before jihoon showed his full face. he clutched the blanket in a tiny fist over his bare chest, opening his mouth to speak before scowling at soonyoung who cuddled up next to him. 

“sorry hyung. we were uh-busy...but i’m not ignoring your calls ever again after what happened to you.” jihoon said sternly, rolling his eyes when he felt soonyoung’s head move against his shoulder as he nodded.

“i appreciate that ji, but you don’t need to answer the phone when you’re fucking. save the mental scarring for somebody else.” 

soonyoung laughed again. “anyways, what’s up?”

seungcheol scratched the back of his head. “well, i was just wondering if you guys wanted to hang out or something. jeonghan just left,and i’m kinda tired of being cooped up here and alone for hours at a time.” 

jihoon appeared again. “sure, let me um, finish...up here and then we’ll be over at around 5 ish? we’ll bring takeout.” 

“great! i’m gonna go now so you guys can...get ready.” 

more snickers from his red haired friend. 

“bye hyung, see you soon!” 

* * *

“guys,” seungcheol started, leaning back against his cemented spot on the couch. “i need help.”

his friends turned towards him, discarding their empty boxes of food on the table. 

“what, can’t get it up anymore old man?” soonyoung snickered, yelping when jihoon hit the back of his head. seungcheol still wondered why they were together to this day, they were like cat and mouse.

“very funny, and i’m only a year older than you! but that’s the thing. well, part of it anyway.” he looked over, continuing when he noticed how intently his best friends were listening. “ever since i got home it’s like i’ve been walking on eggshells with jeonghan.”

jihoon tilted his head. “what do you mean?”

the older sat up. “it’s just-i can tell he misses me. and i miss him too, i can feel it, but i don’t remember what i miss. i find new things to like about him every day, and it’s so frustrating because i have to relearn everything all over again and i know it’s hurting him.”

“i can’t even kiss him back and it breaks his heart. it feels like i have the house, but with no furniture in it. and i want him, i do, but i can’t...i can’t bring myself to have sex with him yet because we’re not back to us yet. i’m probably not making any sense, am i?” 

his friend shook his head slowly, crossing his legs before he spoke. “i mean, i understand but hyung, i feel like you’re making this harder than it needs to be.”

seungcheol looked up. “the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

soonyoung held out his hand in front of his boyfriend. “don’t get all defensive, now. just hear us out: have you ever stopped to think jeonghan is holding himself back too?”

the man frowned. “he’s been teasing me, if anything. did you not hear the whole shower story?” 

jihoon rolled his eyes. “come on cheol, this is your husband we’re talking about. yes he loves messing with you, but has he ever pushed you?” 

seungcheol was quiet. 

“ever tried to make you remember, or go back to the way things were?” soonyoung added on.

“no.” he sighed in response.

“that’s our point, hyung. he’s not forcing you but you’ve gotta try to meet him halfway. you don’t need to jump his bones, but don’t be afraid of intimacy. you’re married for fuck’s sake! i can’t believe i have to explain this to you, you’re so dense.” the smallest of the three scolded him.

soonyoung nodded along. “we’re not saying you have to go fast with jeonghan-hyung, but don’t get so wound up that you don’t go at all. okay?”

“okay okay...wow, look at you two, schooling me on my own area of expertise. it feels like just yesterday i was helping the both of you confess your crushes to each other.” seungcheol chuckled. 

jihoon rolled his eyes and stood up. “don’t flatter yourself, it was only a matter of time before we did. if soonyoung hadn’t manned up and asked me out when he did, i was going to make my way over to his and minghao’s little studio and do it myself.”

“and now look at us!” soonyoung cooed, hugging his boyfriend’s waist from his place on the chair. 

“hey jihoonie, i think what coups-hyung is doing is kind of romantic, in a way. would you wait to have sex with me if i was in a terrible horrible accident with no memory?” seungcheol glared at him but he paid no attention.

“no, because even if you forgot about the past three years we’ve been together you would still want to go at it like animals as soon as you got out the hospital.” his boyfriend responded from the kitchen.

seungcheol groaned in disgust. 

“can we please talk about something other than my best friends having sex? god i’m gonna be sick.” he took a chug of his beer, turning his head towards the door as he heard the locks being opened. 

“hey, i’m home!” jeonghan greeted him. he took off his shoes and stepped into his slippers, shuffling into the living room and smiling at his husband. “oh, hey jihoon, soonyoung. i knew i should’ve brought back something, we could’ve sat and ate together.”

soonyoung smiled at the older. “it’s okay hyung. we got takeout earlier.”

“and actually, we were just leaving. we’ve been here a few hours now and i’m sure coups is tired of us.” jihoon said, nodding at his boyfriend who understood and pushed himself up to stand.

“see ya hyungs!” he called from the door, waving next to jihoon who politely nodded at the both of them. 

“bye!” jeonghan looked back over to seungcheol. “hey.”

seungcheol gave a tiny smile. “hey. how was your little outing?” 

the blonde laughed, walking into the kitchen. seungcheol decided to follow. 

“it was alright. a lot more people at the bank than i thought. i got the stuff from the store. hmm, i’m thinking i’ll heat up this left over pasta.”

“do you um...would you like to watch something together?” 

jeonghan made eye contact with seungcheol. he was obviously surprised at the other’s suggestion, though seungcheol didn’t think it was that surprising. they always looked at tv together. of course, jeonghan was always the first to offer.

“uh, sure. yeah, we can.” seungcheol figured he would ask to do more things with jeonghan if it always made him smile like that. 

* * *

they were in their room again, falling into their rather domestic night routine. jeonghan would brush his teeth and do his skin care, then bump shoulders with seungcheol as they passed each other at the door. it always made the older feel warmer.

that night, seungcheol had decided to take a shower before bed. his ribs weren’t causing him as much pain as they were previously, so he dressed himself in the bathroom before coming back to jeonghan. 

jeonghan glanced over at him, doing a double take. “cheol, you need to dry your hair properly. you’ll get sick!” 

seungcheol dismissed his words with a wave of his hand. “i’m fine, it’s mostly dry.”

but the other man was not having it. he crawled over to the other side of his bed on his knees and pulled the towel out of his husband’s hands. “no. switch with me.”

he was pulled down to settle on the soft mattress, watching jeonghan situate himself in between his legs and start drying his hair. 

“you really would not be able to live without me, choi seungcheol. i should be getting an award for world’s best husband.” he giggled.

a grin started to form on the older’s face. he watched jeonghan concentrate on moving the towel all over his head for a few minutes before replying. “yeah, you should. i don’t know what i would do without you hannie.” 

he noticed the way his husband froze when he used the nickname, but kept smiling up at him. jeonghan also seemed to realize that seungcheol’s hands were holding his waist, lightly squeezing at his hips and moving up his sides. 

jeonghan exhaled shakily, looking seungcheol in the eyes. his grin stayed strong as he looked right back at the other. 

“cheol i-“ jeonghan closed his eyes as he swayed a bit. seungcheol held him upright, grip firm on his small waist. 

“hmm?” he pushed gently. 

jeonghan’s mouth opened and closed several times before speaking. "i love you seungcheol.” 

seungcheol looked down to his hands, holding them in his own. he made eye contact with jeonghan once again before kissing his knuckles. 

they stayed like that for what felt like decades, silently watching each other. seungcheol stood up, brushing the hair out of his husband’s eyes that seemed to be getting longer by the day. 

"let’s go to bed, hannie.”

a fleeting kiss was placed on his lips, over as soon it started. seungcheol tried to hide his shock but failed. he would never get used to jeonghan kissing him, no matter how many times he did it. 

the upper hand was taken from him and he sighed in defeat as jeonghan tugged on his hand to get him into bed. the light switch thrust them into darkness, enveloping them, but it didn’t stay like that for long. jeonghan curled up next to seungcheol, and he heard his friend’s voice echo in his head.

_ you’ve gotta try to meet him halfway. _

he nudged his husband, feeling bad for disturbing him as he was on the cusp of sleep. “hey, turn the other way.” 

jeonghan made a noise of confusion but did as he asked, flipping onto his other side.

big arms were around his waist, and he sighed. seungcheol hooked his chin over the smaller’s shoulder. 

meeting jeonghan halfway was definitely something he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for not updating sooner y’all, i did not plan on the new chapter being this late and i apologize but here it is!! thank you very much for reading, kudos, comments, feedback are all appreciated!! <3


	5. time, with you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungcheol and jeonghan spend some time together at home (here’s some of the fluff that was mentioned in the tags! this chapter is highkey cheesy but i love cute domestic moments sue me)

jeonghan plagued him even in his dreams. 

he remembered the vision, even if it wasn’t real, the details stood right in front of him clear as day. soft wispy hair, a laugh that sounded like a song, teasing smiles. the ghost of a kiss lingering on his own mouth, and he caught the makings of a grin form as the space stretched between them before he woke.

when he opened his eyes, seungcheol saw the culprit looking at his phone sleepily, eyelids falling down slowly and a hand coming up to cover his yawning mouth. a mundane task that he turned into art. 

“you’re so beautiful.” he said into the air before he could stop himself. 

red filled in jeonghan’s cheeks. the color looked gorgeous on him but what didn’t?

“stop seungcheol, it’s too early for this.” the blonde whined. seungcheol grinned, satisfied with the results of his spontaneous compliment.

“what do you have planned for today?” he asked, scooting closer to rest his head on his husband’s shoulder. jeonghan looked down at him.

“nothing, but that reminds me! i do start lessons back up again after the weekend. why?” 

“because i was thinking...we should do something together.” 

jeonghan blanched. seungcheol turned to look into his eyes, making sure his sincerity showed.

“cheol...i don’t understand.” 

the older tilted his head. “what don’t you understand?” 

“wh-why?” he shook his head in disbelief.

seungcheol sat up. this wasn’t going how he thought it would.

“i...wanted to spend some more time with you. you’ve been doing so much for me and i just want to give back. to show how much i appreciate you, jeonghan.”

jeonghan looked at him. his face was carefully neutral and seungcheol hated how he couldn’t decipher what the other was thinking in that moment when he had been getting better at it. 

“don’t...” he sighed. “don’t feel like you have to do this, seungcheol. i don’t want a reward for taking care of my husband when he needs me. i clearly remember the vows we took, even if you don’t.” the last part was added in a whisper but seungcheol still heard. jeonghan got up from the bed and tried to leave but hands took his own and pulled him back.

he was halfway in seungcheol’s lap, and the latter panicked. he hadn’t meant to sit jeonghan on him but he was desperate to get his husband to stay. and if the emotion displayed on jeonghan’s beautiful face told him anything, his actions apparently brung more harm than good.

“wait, jeonghan! please. i-“ seungcheol’s eyes frantically scanned over jeonghan. “that’s not what this is about. i genuinely want to do something with you. it doesn’t even have to beanything fancy but i just want to spend some time together, as a couple because...i’m trying to get us back to being us. to being normal, so i don’t have to see you like this anymore.” a hand came to cup his cheek. seungcheol swiped his thumb over a stray tear that made its way down jeonghan’s face. 

no matter what he said, he always seemed to make the other cry.

“cheollie...” his mouth opened but the words died on his tongue. “okay, cheol.” 

the older smiled widely, kissing jeonghan’s cheek. 

“thank you. so...is there anything you really want to do before i suggest my own ideas?” 

* * *

“jeonghan, are you sure about this?” seungcheol finally voiced.

his husband faced him, smile already present before he answered.

they stood in their kitchen, various baking utensils spread out across the counter as well as ingredients. when seungcheol had asked jeonghan what he thought would be fun for the two of them to do, he really hadn’t considered baking being at the top of his list.

“yes cheollie. it’ll be fun! don’t look at me like that.” 

the older grimaced. “as long as we’ve been together, you should know that i’m terrible at baking. as in bad. as in should not even be in the vicinity of baking utensils right now.”

beautiful laughter left jeonghan which caused seungcheol to smile despite his embarrassment. 

“oh i know, that’s what makes it fun.” he winked. “okay, let’s mix everything together first, then while it’s baking we can pull out the icing and sprinkles so we can decorate. come here.”

seungcheol followed along the best he could. jeonghan seemed to be a natural at everything he attempted. while he struggled with measurements and spilled almost everything he touched, the blonde made every step of the process look flawless.

“oh my god i forgot how shitty you are at this. okay, just crack these eggs.” he said, hand over his mouth as a failed attempt to cover his laughter.

seungcheol cracked open the first one perfectly but got shells in the batter the second and third try. 

“move out of the way, get!” he yelped when he felt his body being forcefully moved out of the way of the cake batter. 

seungcheol watched in silence as jeonghan scanned the box to make sure they got everything. with his lips mouthing the words as he read and eyebrows furrowing in concentration, he looked dangerously gorgeous. dangerous enough for seungcheol to slip up and have thoughts he didn’t want to entertain yet. 

“alright, now we can mix,” he said. jeonghan looked around their kitchen. “where’s the mixer?” 

his husband blinked. “we have a mixer?” he suppressed the laugh that wanted to leave his throat when jeonghan rolled his eyes. 

“yes cheol. we have an electric mi-damn, i think my mom took it from us, i remember her asking for it...well! guess we have to mix by hand. that’s fine.” 

he took the flat baking spatula from its place next to the bowl and started mixing. seungcheol noticed the slow pace at which he moved. jeonghan’s arm pulled back and forth, small grunts coming from the man as he held onto the bowl with his other hand.

“need some help?” seungcheol offered.

the blonde glared at him. “shut up and get over here.” 

jeonghan began stepping over to the side but stopped when he felt a hand at his hip. he was moved back to his original spot, freezing when he felt seungcheol’s body pressed against him.

“here,” the man said softly. a much larger hand covered his own on the handle of the spatula, moving it around the bowl in slow circular motions. “just like this, see?” 

another hand was still at his waist, sending thrums of warmth throughout the rest of jeonghan’s body. he said nothing as they stood there together. seungcheol’s chest plastered to his back, holding his hand to mix expertly. 

“you can’t crack eggs properly but you sure know how to mix cake batter.” he said dumbly. 

“yep, been preparing all my life to just stand at the side and wait for my husband to ask me for help mixing.” he flexed his arms that encased jeonghan. the younger inhaled sharply.

“okay, i-i think it’s good. yeah, let’s um, put it into the pan and get out the icing and s-stuff.”

jeonghan suddenly moved away to the other side of the kitchen. seungcheol stumbled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

they finished cleaning up in a robot-like manner. seungcheol couldn’t keep doing this. he hated the quiet that fell over them after they did something particularly domestic, or had a too-intimate moment for the pace they were currently going. 

he glanced over at his husband who was messing with the oven settings for the cake. he finished and made eye contact with seungcheol. “what?” he asked innocently. 

“nothing, nothing. just feels like we’re in a damn hallmark movie or something.” 

something soft hit seungcheol’s back and he widened his eyes at jeonghan with a towel in his hands. 

“shut up! hallmark movies are cute.” the younger threatened with fake annoyance. seungcheol just nudged him with his shoulder as they passed each other, doing the same smirk jeonghan did whenever he said something that made him blush. 

“cake’s in the oven, we can take a break.” his husband exhaled loudly as he fell down onto the couch.

“tired? seungcheol asked. he lifted the blonde’s feet up and deposited them in his lap as he sat in their place. 

“mhm. you make baking way more exhausting than it should be, can you blame me?!” jeonghan exclaimed dramatically, and seungcheol fake scowled. 

“fuck off, not everyone’s blessed with the skills of a professional baker.” 

jeonghan snickered but didn’t say anything else. his husband observed the man laying there, seemingly unaware of the eyes on him. 

even with strands of hair going in different directions and an arm thrown over his eyes, jeonghan remained as beautiful as ever.

seungcheol hands rubbed over his feet, an action of his subconscious. he ignored the alarm going off in some far away part of his brain when a happy groan came from jeonghan. 

the couple stayed on the couch as the little timer ticked in the other room. seungcheol celebrated the silent victory of touching jeonghan to show his affection on his side of the sofa while his husband closed his eyes, enjoying the peace. 

“ah, it’s too quiet. go check on the cake cheol. while you’re in there you can turn on the speaker and play something.” jeonghan lifted his arm to point towards the kitchen. 

“uh, sure.” seungcheol did as he was asked, peeking at the cake that was rising over the rim of the pan. a few more minutes and it would be ready. he moved on to the speaker and opened his phone, pressing the first song he saw in his library.

he made his way back into the living room and say in the same spot, smiling when he felt jeonghan’s feet move to the music underneath his hands. 

he was startled by jeonghan getting up and bouncing around the coffee table. 

“dance with me cheol!” he giggled, and there was absolutely no way the man could say no with an angel asking him. 

he let himself be pulled off the couch and just watched jeonghan move in a full trance. the blonde twirled around him, interlocking their fingers and making seungcheol sway to the melody. 

his husband finally caved and played along, spinning jeonghan around and bringing him back towards his own body. they were in the same position as before, back to chest, except it was welcomed this time. jeonghan playfully moved his hips in front of seungcheol, covering the man’s hands with his own and laughing loudly. 

seungcheol never wanted this to end. being this close to his husband, making him laugh and smile. this was what his life was supposed to be. 

he spun the smaller around and pressed their foreheads together, relieved jeonghan didn’t falter. instead, he wrapped his arms over broad shoulders.

seungcheol felt himself getting lost in all of jeonghan, all of his movements and his entire being, but he couldn’t care less. 

a swift kiss was given to him, placing the older in a state of shock. jeonghan’s eyes ran over his features, taking in his reaction. after seungcheol had noticed he brought on a neutral expression, inhaling calmly. 

he was not going to be afraid. 

jeonghan opened and closed his mouth. shaking his head, he finally rushed forward and kissed seungcheol again. gentle hands came up to hold his face. the coolness of the ring on jeonghan’s finger sent something through seungcheol’s body, causing him to grip his waist tighter.

this kiss was longer but they barely moved. jeonghan seemed to be content to stay like this for the entirety of it. the sweetness of it all made seungcheol feel like he was experiencing a sugar rush, induced by none other than the angel that was his husband. 

a loud ding from the world outside of just them made the couple separate, staring at each other with warm cheeks. jeonghan licked his lips that were bigger and even more pink than before, and seungcheol felt his knees go weak. 

“that’s um-that’s the cake. i’ll go get it.” he didn’t give time for seungcheol to speak back to him. 

“i’ll help!” he offered anyway, closely following in case jeonghan hadn’t heard him. he focused on getting out the icing and sprinkles instead of thinking about how much he missed the feeling of jeonghan’s lips slotting against his own.

after the cake had cooled down for a few minutes, they could finally put on the finishing touches. 

“okay so we should cover it in white frosting, then write something out with all the other colors?” the blonde suggested. seungcheol nodded in agreement. 

“yeah! how about...’welcome back cheol’? would that be okay?” 

a happy grin spread on jeonghan’s face. “yes! that’s perfect.” 

seungcheol took the spatula from earlier and rinsed it while speaking. “let’s spread this over it first.” he said.

a giggle made him stop opening the tub of buttercream sweetness. he looked over to his husband with an eyebrow raised. “what?” 

“oh nothing,” jeonghan waved his hand. “your words were just reminding me of...other settings.” 

seungcheol fought and lost against the itch of embarrassment crawling across his cheeks. he turned away at the sound of jeonghan bursting out into laughter.

“you have the mind of a 12 year old, jeonghan. god.” he failed to hide his own giggles as he began spreading the frosting over the flat top of the cake. 

when he had finished and jeonghan was occupied with trying to open the sprinkles , seungcheol rubbed the spatula over the other’s face. 

“cheol!” jeonghan shrieked, trying to get as far away as possible in the short time he had for his reaction. unfortunately the corner of the kitchen was right behind him, seungcheol using this as an advantage and trapping jeonghan. more of the sugary substance got on his nose and cheeks. he ignored the whiny protests of his husband and quickly pulled back to admire his work. 

“mhm, perfect!” he said, cut off by jeonghan smearing frosting over his lips and chin. 

the younger laughed victoriously as wiped his own face, bringing the mess to his mouth. if the act made seungcheol feel a little bit warmer than before he wouldn’t admit it. 

he was so caught up on jeonghan he didn’t even realize his husband coming closer. he kissed him gently, and seungcheol could practically feel his brain short circuiting when he felt light pressure moving all over his lips that he realized was jeonghan’s  tongue . licking the frosting off of him. he pulled back when his was done with seungcheol’s mouth. a thumb glided over his chin and seungcheol just watched jeonghan bring it up to his own lips and suck the frosting off like a fool. 

“let’s write the letters so we can clean up.” he said after he was done, seungcheol not missing the way his eyebrow lifted suggestively when he spoke.

he let the blonde take over that portion of decorating. together they put on the sprinkles and finally took pictures of their work before cutting slices to taste. 

“here,” seungcheol offered his fork to jeonghan. he smiled and took it, moaning softly as he chewed.

“oh my god, that’s amazing. i’m so good at baking.” 

“hey, this was a two man job!” 

jeonghan nodded. “you’re right, me and you with your behemoth muscles. what would i do without my big strong husband to mix cake batter for me?” 

a light kick met jeonghan’s shin. “you love these behemoth muscles, you would die without them.” seungcheol said, pointing his fork accusingly.

“yes i would.” jeonghan answered, voice sounding sultry but light as always. the lack of playfullness in his statement sent a shiver down seungcheol’s spine. 

they ate and cleaned their plates together, making each other laugh every once in a while. when they were done seungcheol made his way to their bedroom, yawning loudly. 

“i think i’m gonna get ready for bed.” he announced. jeonghan hummed in acknowledgement. 

“hey cheol?” he called. his husband came back and titled his head.

“thank you...for asking to spend some time with me. i had fun.” he said quietly, eyes stuck on the floor and hands unraveling a loose thread at the hem of his sweater. 

seungcheol smiled warmly, leaning forward to take jeonghan’s fidgeting hand in his. “of course hannie. it’s what i wanted, and...i had fun too.” 

jeonghan bit his lip to conceal his grin and nodded again. a polite kiss was pressed to his hand and then seungcheol was gone, leaving his husband sighing wistfully against the wall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! happy holidays to all those reading! i hope everyone is staying safe and has a good holiday :) tbh i’m not a fan of christmas themed fics so i decided not to add that into this story LOL but i’ll be updating again probably during the weekend after christmas passes. until then, thank you all very much for reading - comments, kudos, and any feedback at all is greatly appreciated! happy holidays :D <3


	6. impact.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeonghan’s students come over, and seungcheol realizes how much impact he’s had in people’s lives. vernon, seungkwan, and dino are introduced!

“are you sure you don’t want me to go over to soonyoung and jihoon’s?” seungcheol asked, wearily watching jeonghan tidy up the living room as he wiped off the counter. “i could also go and get some groceries or something. i don’t want to distract you from your lesson.” 

jeonghan shook his head, hair swishing across his eyes and cheeks. it was a lot longer than it was when seungcheol first woke and saw him, now framing his sharp face and almost to his shoulders. his husband had talked of dyeing it another color soon. seungcheol didn’t object, because he knew jeonghan would look beautiful with any hair color, with anything on, or absolutely nothing at all. he shivered to redirect his thoughts, looking back at his husband. 

“seungcheol, you were at home during almost every lesson i’ve had before the accident. the kids know you! i’m not kicking you out.” 

the older wanted to protest more but was stopped by the sound of the doorbell ringing. 

jeonghan spoke as he walked towards the sound. “you know chan through soonyoung, but the others’ names are seungkwan and hansol. you worked with him at your job!” 

seungcheol’s eyebrows rose but his expression quickly turned neutral when he heard the jeonghan’s cheery voice welcoming the boys. 

“it’s been so long since i’ve seen you hyung!” said one. 

“i know i know! look at my students, so handsome! hansol you’re starting to grow some muscles i see.” 

groaning came from the door, seungcheol stretched his neck to see who was speaking now.

“please hyung, you sound like my grandmother.” 

a yelp was let out and seungcheol was about to investigate when they all came into the living room at once. 

“oh uh,” jeonghan walked over and placed his hand on seungcheol’s arm. “honey, these are my students. they’ve met you before, but that’s hansol and seungkwan.” 

seungcheol raised a hand and waved at the younger three. they all bowed their heads politely.

“hello seungcheol-hyung. we heard about your accident, i’m really glad you’re okay! here,” the most talkative out of the three, seungkwan, stepped towards him and took out a container from his bag.

“my mother made these for you.” he blushed a bit as he handed off the bowl of cookies to the couple. 

“oh...thank you very much, i appreciate your kindness.” seungcheol smiled, and seungkwan returned an even warmer one. he was cute, and seungcheol decided he liked him. he felt bad about not remembering his charming personality.

jeonghan clapped his hands. “alright, we only have an hour and a half for this lesson so come on seungkwan. you two,” he looked at hansol and chan. “stay in the kitchen with cheol for the first few minutes. i can’t have you messing around as i’m trying to teach.” 

he and seungkwan made their way over to the piano. seungcheol looked between the other boys. 

“come on, we can eat these together.” he offered.

* * *

beautiful notes played in the background as seungcheol, chan, and hansol sat in the kitchen enjoying the cookies seungkwan had brought.

“these are really good, i’ll have to tell seungkwan before he leaves.” seungcheol said.

“yeah his mom is an amazing cook. my family started limiting how many times i can go over to his house after i started joining them for dinner almost every day.” hansol said as he nibbled on his fifth cookie, making the older laugh. “i’m gonna get some more juice if that’s okay.” seungcheol nodded and waved him off.

a hand fell onto his arm and seungcheol turned to make eye contact with chan. 

“hyung...i want to apologize to you.” the boy said softly, frown making his face fall.

seungcheol rotated in his seat to face his dongsaeng. “um, what for?” 

he took a deep breath. “i’m really sorry that i didn’t visit you after you woke up. i saw you while you were asleep but...i was too scared to come back because i hated seeing you like that.” seungcheol shook his head but chan held his hand up and continued.

“when my brother told me that you didn’t remember i...i don’t know, i just couldn’t bear it. i look up to you, a lot hyung. i’m probably taking it too personally but i’ve known you my entire life and i just didn’t want to see you forget me.” 

chan hung his head, eyes glued to the table. seungcheol sighed. hearing the sadness in the younger’s voice hurt more than any of his injuries from the accident. and if chan felt like this, he could only imagine what was going through his husband’s head.

“chan, look at me.” he ducked his head, trying to get a glimpse at the boy’s face. the last time he’d seen him was almost a month before the accident when he had dinner with soonyoung’s family. his face looked the same, but seungcheol could tell he had grown. the fact that he was almost an adult now, blew his mind.

“stop beating yourself up. i would never be upset with you for that. you, soonyoung, jihoon, and...” he looked across the counter to see jeonghan smiling proudly at seungkwan playing the piece in front of him.

“you guys are the ones who probably took my accident the hardest. i don’t blame you for being scared, everyone was. you coming here now, sitting and talking to me, is the best thing you could have done. and you’re my friend as much as soonyoung is, so please, don’t ever feel like you’re taking our relationship too personally. okay?” 

chan nodded, biting his lip. 

“i’m...” he inhaled shakily. seungcheol’s heart broke when he saw tears shining in his eyes. “i’m really glad you’re okay, hyung.” 

seungcheol sighed. “aw, come here you big baby.” 

a teary laugh came from the younger when he felt arms around him and he immediately returned the hug. 

a few seconds passed and footsteps were heard. “oh.” 

they pulled apart to see jeonghan standing in the doorway, seungkwan right next to him. “are we interrupting something?”

chan shook his head and stood up. “no no, everything’s fine.” he sniffed and the smile from before was plastered on his face again. “hey jeonghan-hyung, can i play on your PS4? pleaseeee, pretty please?”

jeonghan laughed and crossed his arms. “you know that thing barely belongs to me. i don’t care, but you better ask cheol.” 

their dongsaeng looked at seungcheol eyes big to further his pleading. 

“go ahead.” the other faked his annoyance but ruffled chan’s hair. he smiled and dashed out into the living room, falling onto the couch.

“hey if you break my sofa i’m banning you from coming to these lessons!” jeonghan called over the counter then looked back at his husband’s smiling face. “everything okay?” he asked softly, coming to stand in between seungcheol’s legs and take one of his hands in his own. he played with his fingers, awaiting an answer.

“yeah, he just took the accident harder than i thought...why didn’t you tell me?” 

his husband stayed quiet for a second, exhaling loudly. “i didn’t need you to be any more mad about the situation than you already were. chan  was really upset _but_...we worked through it together. he came over here and stayed with me almost every day. and you talked it over with him, so now i  _ know _ he’s going to be fine.” 

seungcheol looked at jeonghan, unable to form a response. somehow, the other man could just say exactly what was right. instead, he pulled him in closer by the waist and rest his forehead against his flat stomach. he could tell jeonghan was surprised, but bit his lip to stop himself from grinning stupidly when he felt those gentle hands place themselves in his hair. 

“okay, i came in here because we’re taking a break. i should make some sandwiches or something, i’m sure the boys want something else to eat.” jeonghan announced in a quiet voice but made no effort to move. his fingers massaged seungcheol’s scalp and ran through his hair.

“i’ll make them. you sit here and rest.” he offered absentmindedly. he didn’t even realize his eyes had fallen shut, obviously content with jeonghan’s actions. 

“you sound like me now.” the younger giggled. he was so _c_ _ ute _ . 

seungcheol pulled back and looked up at him, unable to stop himself from grinning. 

“i’m serious, hannie. switch places with me.” 

jeonghan hummed, stepping to the side suddenly. seungcheol looked at him in surprise.

“if you insist! we are taking a break after all.” 

his husband just rolled his eyes and got up, letting jeonghan take his own seat at the table.

the students clambered into the kitchen after jeonghan’s call rang to enjoy more food. they sat around the table with jeonghan hanging them like a bee, annoying chan by encouraging him to eat sandwich after sandwich because he’s a “growing boy”.

seungcheol leaned against the counter and just watched it unfold. the entire scene was so sickeningly domestic it made him feel lightheaded. he was afraid that if he stepped in, they would somehow disappear.

“thank you hyung for the sandwiches!” hansol said a bit loudly. his friends also shared their gratitude and jeonghan nodded. 

“yes, thank you honey for making them. they’re probably not as good as mine, but still delicious!” he sauntered over and bumped his shoulder. seungcheol couldn’t argue before he felt soft lips press against his cheek.

he glared at jeonghan, who only smiled to appear innocent, though he was the farthest from that. 

“you’re welcome.” he grumbled to his shoes, avoiding jeonghan’s eyes because if he kept looking at him like that, seungcheol would agree with anything he said. 

“aww, you guys are so cute.” seungkwan complimented, looking between the couple. 

“ah, don’t let jeonghan’s sweet talk fool you. he’s a menace.” 

“don’t act like you don’t like it.” a perfect eyebrow raised as jeonghan tilted his head. seungcheol did not blush. he didn’t.

“okay, enough! please let’s change the subject before cheol-hyung pounces on jeonghan.” chan said, and jeonghan laughed even though seungcheol did not find it funny. he smacked the back of his dongsaeng’s head lightly as a warning. 

“come on chan, it’s time for your lesson. seungkwan you too. i want to quiz you both on what you know about the piece so far.”

the three of them left, leaving only hansol and seungcheol to clean up.

“how have you been hyung?” he asked as he stacked the plates on the table.

“a lot better. in the hospital i was restless, but now that i’m home i feel like things are settling down.” seungcheol replied. he turned his back towards the younger and set the plates in the sink.

hansol nodded, then was quiet for a bit. seungcheol thought he was going to join jeonghan and his friends before he spoke again. “you don’t want to know how the shop’s doing?”

the older man glanced back. “the shop?”

“our job, hyung.” 

he turned off the water and faced hansol. “oh i’m...i’m sorry hansol. i haven’t been thinking about work since the accident and, to be honest with you, i don’t um-remember much.” 

hansol shook his head but didn’t look at seungcheol. “it’s okay. i’m sorry too. i know you’ve been through a lot but-i don’t know, i wanted to see if you did...you know...”

seungcheol came back to the table and draped his arms over the back of a chair.

“well you can still tell me about it. what’d i miss?” 

he watched the smile grow on hansol’s face. 

“well, i got a promotion. mingyu lets me work on a few cars by myself now. he misses you, by the way. him and wonwoo-hyung.” 

seungcheol nodded along, the image of him, hansol, and two other men in front of their workplace flashing across his mind.

“oh! wonwoo and jun are together now.” 

eyes showed his surprise, and hansol laughed at the older’s reaction.

“hyung didn’t tell you? jun-hyung came and asked him out to a fancy dinner right at work in front of the customers. wonwoo-hyung was so embarrassed, but he said yes. it was actually really cute.” the boy rambled.

seungcheol’s mouth fell open and shut a few times before he answered. “no jeonghan didn’t tell me. wow, um, that’s great though! i’m happy for them.” he tilted his head. “how do they even know each other though? junhui is jeonghan’s friend.” 

hansol pressed his lips together. seungcheol blinked, wondering if he had said something wrong. 

“you introduced them, hyung. you and jeonghan did.” 

the awkward silence between the men was unbearable. fucking up memories from his past just seemed to a part of seungcheol’s daily routine now.

“anyway, i’m kind of surprised he did that. he always seemed to be teasing wonwoo about going on a date with him. i wish i was that brave.” 

he didn’t miss hansol’s sigh, and followed his eyes into the living. their gazes landed on seungkwan, who was singing the song jeonghan was demonstrating to chan on the piano. 

seungcheol looked at him, then back to hansol. “you-you like him?” 

the younger tried to turn his face away to hide his red cheeks. “he’s my best friend...”

“why don’t you just go for it though?” 

“because! i just can’t.” hansol covered his face with his hands.

seungcheol stood up and looked down at hansol. he continued this until hansol removed his fingers from his eyes. 

“why not? he likes you back, i can tell that from a mile away.” 

“we’ve been best friends since we were kids, i don’t want anything to change between us and then we can’t go back to the way we were before.” he answered too quickly. 

seungcheol inhaled. he was in a similar boat, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t give a solution to a problem that was still a bit different to his own.

“look,” he said. “you’re wasting time. he could be anyone else’s in a second. there’s nothing to be scared of, you guys have something that can’t be broken.” 

hansol met his eyes. “like you and jeonghan-hyung?” 

he didn’t respond immediately. seungcheol closed his eyes and took a breath. 

“hansol, i can’t make you do anything, but i’m telling you. don’t let this opportunity slip you by and then you miss it. you can’t be afraid of change if change is what you want.” 

he ignored the voice in his head, that sounded a lot like jihoon’s, mocking him. 

the younger boy bit his lip, looking over to seungkwan again. seungcheol could see the yearning in his eyes. he recognized it as a look on jeonghan, too. 

“okay, i’ll go for it.”

“good. it’ll work out, trust me. go join your friends.” 

he clapped hansol on the back. the action moved him forward a few steps and he laughed. 

“hey, hyung?”

seungcheol raised his brows. 

“thanks. i hope you get your memory back soon, so things can get back to normal for you.” 

and hansol didn’t mean anything by it, but his words stuck in seungcheol’s head, gnawing at his brain that held his past as if they could unleash whatever was stored there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve reached that point in writing where i’m not happy with anything i have but as long y’all like it then it’s good for me. sorry this update took longer than planned, i definitely plan on posting the new chapter later this week. thank you so much for reading! as always, kudos, comments, and any feedback at all is greatly appreciated :) <3


	7. okay, and not.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungcheol and jeonghan have a misunderstanding that comes from a little bit of tension and results in a bucket of angst HAHA...i apologize in advance

even if seungcheol always had that gap of time missing from his brain, he truly believed could fall in love with jeonghan all over again just by seeing his face as soon as he woke up every single day. 

he would never get tired of it. whenever he opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them, then saw his husband to the side of him, there was always a part of seungcheol that simply couldn’t believe he was real. 

and he felt that now, as he gazed over at jeonghan who was still peacefully asleep. 

they had turned away from one another sometime during the night even though seungcheol remembers feeling the soft wisps of air puffing against his neck where jeonghan laid.

he flipped around, gently placing an arm around his waist. jeonghan didn’t move. the older closed the little space left between them, and slowly, while keeping his eyes on the side of jeonghan’s face, hooked his chin over the blonde’s shoulder. 

a soft noise left him, and he turned his head bittowards cheol with his eyes closed. “cheol?” 

“sorry, i didn’t mean to wake you up.” he said softly. 

jeonghan made another noise and squirmed, trying to get more comfortable. “s’okay. i don’t have any lessons today...” he trailed off, voice dying out as he tried to cling to the remnants of sleep that was left. 

seungcheol nodded but stayed quiet. jeonghan had been working hard this past week and he deserved the rest. plus, he didn’t really want to move, so it was a win-win for the both of them.

a hand found it’s way under jeonghan’s too large shirt. seungcheol didn’t know why he felt so clingy, maybe it was the lingering sleepiness or haze of the early morning making him this way but all he wanted currently was to touch jeonghan.

jeonghan’s waist was so small, and seungcheol wouldn’t ever say it out loud but it drove him _crazy_. his hands could easily meet each other on his stomach when they wrapped around him. his ring and pinky finger stretched out, moving back and forth against the cotton fabric of jeonghan’s underwear on his hip.

their legs had somehow tangled together into a mess of limbs but seungcheol didn’t mind at all. he welcomed the contact and used it as an invitation to press his body directly against his husband’s back. 

he didn’t even let his mind explore the feeling of his own hips flush against jeonghan’s ass. 

seungcheol was a weak, selfish man. the close proximity was enough, but he still craved more. 

he lifted his head to look at jeonghan, fast asleep again as it seemed. the older’s eyes were glued to his face for several minutes but started analyzing his side profile, and then his neck. 

the soft expanse of skin called to him, beckoning him to come closer.

he didn’t give in and settled for nosing the back of jeonghan’s neck. placing one, two, three kisses there, and then some. 

his husband was still asleep. part of seungcheol wished he was awake so he could witness his reactions to the sudden onslaught of affection.

the control was slipping from his fingers. the soft pecks moved to his shoulder, underneath his ear, finally to where he had originally avoided. seungcheol paused and waited to see if jeonghan showed any indication that he was awake at all. silence was his only response. 

he didn’t want to assume his husband’s feelings, but something told him if jeonghan woke to seungcheol giving him a hickey (on accident, really) he wouldn’t be all that upset. 

the older debated it for a minute but ultimately gave in. he would indulge himself, just this once. it wouldn’t rush anything, and it wouldn’t set them back.

the kisses were more sweet than sensual, spread out against the skin of jeonghan’s neck but the more seungcheol gave the farther they got in the other direction.

he lightly sucked one spot for no more than a second but peppered them all over the one side of jeonghan. the grip on his waist grew firm, rubbing his side and squeezing his hip every once in a while. 

something close to a groan came from the other and seungcheol paused. jeonghan shifted, rolling his head a bit on the pillow. 

“why’d you stop?” 

seungcheol’s heart dropped.

“wha-were you awake this entire time?” he questioned, starting to pull back and lift his hand off of his husband only to be stopped by jeonghan’s covering it and keeping it in place. 

“i was going in and out of sleep, but i don’t mind. you don’t have to stop if you don’t want to.” jeonghan said, eyes still closed.

seungcheol stayed quiet for a moment. “are...are you sure?” and jeonghan nodded.

hesitant but obeying, his lips returned to their spot on jeonghan’s neck, picking up in pace when seungcheol heard the distant hushed sigh fall from the younger’s lips. 

“this okay?” he whispered into his ear as his hand moved up his body before stopping below where his nipples were. it grabbed and squeezed the skin, jeonghan’s sounds of content fueling it’s movement. 

“mhm.” jeonghan responded. his voice was still soft but seungcheol noticed how it changed in pitch, a bit higher than how he normally spoke. 

more sighs and stuttering exhales escaped jeonghan. seungcheol didn’t know how they ended up here but he truly could not ponder about it. he couldn’t think about anything other than the angelic man writhing in front of him, letting out the cutest noises. 

“cheollie,” he whined, and seungcheol was going to go fucking _insane_ . 

he was surprised neck kisses were riling him up this much, but being celibate for over two months could do that to a man. and something else told him, from the way his husband reacted whenever they kissed or seungcheol touched him, jeonghan was sensitive.

seungcheol’s own neck was starting to hurt from the awkward position but he couldn’t care less. he continued to hide his awe, watching the blonde put his head back to bare his neck, and give cheol more access.

and the man was not going to deny him what he wanted, but froze when he felt jeonghan wriggle around, halfway underneath him. all movement stilled except for the lazy rolling of hips back up against seungcheol. 

jeonghan let out a loud whine, and if seungcheol wasn’t frozen in fear he probably would have reacted in a more appropriate way.

instead, he pulled back and threw the covers away, almost tripping over his own feet trying to stand up. 

he got as far as the door to the bathroom before jeonghan questioned him.

“what the hell, cheol? what’s wrong?” jeonghan sat up, leaning forward on his hands. he looked so cute with his hair going every which way, eyes squinting to shut out the brightness of the sun coming in through the blinds. 

the man avoided his eyes. “um, i’m sorry i didn’t-i should’ve stopped.” 

jeonghan blinked a few times, then shook his head in confusion. “what are you talking about?” 

“i shouldn’t have let it go that far.” 

there was now silence as jeonghan just looked at him. he stared into his soul with an expression seungcheol didn’t want to find a meaning behind.

“i told you i was okay.” he said slowly. seungcheol closed his eyes. 

“i know, but we probably should...should take things slow. for now.” 

jeonghan sighed. he rubbed his eyes and he looked so beautiful it hurt. 

“...yeah. you’re right.” his voice was small and he didn’t look at at seungcheol before he laid back down and buried the side of his face into the pillows. the older wanted to say something, wanted to take back his words and just stop talking altogether. he wanted to kiss jeonghan again, all over, until those heavenly sounds were all he could hear. but he didn’t.

“i’m uh-“ seungcheol tried to pull his shirt down discreetly before jeonghan looked at him again. “i’m gonna wash up...” 

jeonghan said nothing. 

* * *

seungcheol’s hair was still wet when he dressed in new clothes that didn’t smell like jeonghan, but the latter didn’t even look at him when he entered the living room where he sat.

the older stayed quiet, watching his husband run a hand through his hair repeatedly as he looked at the different sheets of music scattered on their coffee table.

“jeonghan.” his husband paused and looked at him through his peripheral vision for a short second before looking back to the table. 

“what?” he answered, tone harsher than usual. seungcheol noticed the blank stare on his face as he scratched out a note on one of the sheets. 

“i...i’m sorry, for earlier. i didn’t mean to upset you.” the blonde glanced up at him. seungcheol watched his tongue run over his teeth before speaking.

“it’s fine.” he replied shortly. 

seungcheol gaped slightly. as soon as he separated from his husband, he knew apologizing for his actions was the right thing to do. he knew jeonghan, he knew how jeonghan could be, but he hadn’t expected him to completely disregard his apology. 

“hannie. hey!” cheol called later, making jeonghan throw the paper in his hand down onto the table. 

“i said it was fine seungcheol, really! it’s over and done with now, so there’s no need to explain yourself.” their voices were raising, and seungcheol didn’t like how it made the thump of his heart turn nervous. 

the older frowned, eyebrows coming together. “i just wanted to apologize, jeonghan. and don’t-“ he sighed heavily. “don’t...think i’m rejecting you.”

jeonghan deadpanned. “then what are you doing cheol? because that’s kind of what it looks like.” 

his husband groaned. it was so hard to form the right words when jeonghan was glaring at him with that disapproving, hurt look on his face. 

“i’m just trying to put some distance between us-no wait!” jeonghan rolled his eyes and picked up his pencil again. seungcheol covered his hand with his own to stop him. “i meant, i’m trying to make sure we don’t go too fast.” 

the blonde stared at him. seungcheol felt like he every inch of him was being analyzed. he gulped nervously, slowly removing his hand off of jeonghan’s. 

finally, his husband sighed. “right. well i said it’s fine, and i really need to go through these pieces for my students so, uh, if that’s all...” 

seungcheol blinked, then nodded once. “yeah, okay. sorry.” 

jeonghan nodded too, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the sheets of music instead of watching seungcheol’s back as he walked away.

his footsteps receded, then returned a few minutes later. 

“i’m going on a walk. i’ll be back soon.” he said curtly. jeonghan didn’t look up. 

“okay.” 

no more words were exchanged between the couple, one of them only speaking again when the heavy slam of the door shook the apartment. 

“be careful.” 

seungcheol shoved his hands in his pockets, keeping his eyes down on his shoes as he walked nowhere in particular. his conversation with jeonghan replayed in his head on loop. he thought of all the ways it could have went, how he could be cuddling with his husband right now, or listening to him talk about the pieceshe wants seungkwan and chan to play, or doing  something else.

but instead, he was walking away. 

from several things, but he was avoiding them all because he didn’t know how to talk to his own fucking husband.

he was so immersed in his own thoughts seungcheol didn’t see the person coming his way, and forcefully collided with their shoulder. 

his body turned to the side, and pain immediately flared through his side. seungcheol groaned aloud, clutching underneath his pec to ease the sudden discomfort. 

“i’m so sorry, are you alright?” the voice of the stranger said. they held his shoulder and tried to look at him. 

“y-yeah i’m okay,” he said through gritted teeth. seungcheol forced himself to stand slowly, the pain in his side growing worse the more he moved. 

seungcheol opened his mouth to speak again his voice died in his throat when the unmistakable sound of screeching tires echoed down the street. 

he froze. 

it was heard again, and seungcheol flinched hard. the stranger at his side eyed him.

“uh....you sure you’re okay? you look like you’re in pain, maybe we should sit down...”

their words faded into silence. seungcheol blinked, watching their lips move but no sound come out. a car horn blared somewhere and he gasped.

images flashed through his head. he saw himself, at his job with hansol. playing video games with soonyoung and jihoon. laughter that he knew he had heard before rang in his ears, but couldn’t put to a face.

then he saw jeonghan.

he saw jeonghan’s beautiful smile, his nose scrunching as he laughed even though he was mute. seungcheol saw jeonghan in a cap and gown, smiling. jeonghan underneath him, cheeks red and chest heaving. 

jeonghan on his phone, in the little box waving before the call ended. 

seungcheol’s heart seized as the sound of peeling tires on the road played over and over in his head, and the pain in his ribs throbbed, and he saw himself behind a wheel, and a car heading straight for him.

“hey man, talk to me!” he was shaken by the shoulder, kickstarting his reflexes. seungcheol pushed the stranger’s hand off of him. 

“you need to calm down, okay?” they said, but seungcheol’s head pounded too much to understand. he took off in the direction he came from, going a much faster pace than before. 

the same images were stuck in his head but he kept running. he could hear cars a few feet away from him and picked up speed. 

his feet carried him to his building, then inside to the elevator. repeatedly pressing the button that would lead him to his floor, seungcheol clutched his head with his other hand. 

he needed to get home, he wasn’t safe out here. he was going to get hurt again. 

sooner than he thought, the doors slid open and he all but fell out. the keys to his home were jumping eccentrically in his hands. seungcheol could only hear the sound of his own heavy breathing, his heart thumping, and tires screeching.

his struggle to get the door open was brought to a grateful end when it swung open to reveal him. jeonghan.

seungcheol collapsed in his arms.

“cheol? hey, what happened?” he asked, failing to hide the rising panic in his voice.

“i-i was going to get hit,” the older gasped. his hands curled in jeonghan’s shirt, gripping the fabric so hard jeonghan thought he would pull it off. “i was going to get in another one!” 

jeonghan gently pried his husband off. “hold on. what are you talking about?” 

seungcheol’s eyes grew blurry with unshed tears. he inhaled shakily, all of the fear blending in with the pain from his head to his ribs to his feet. 

“the cars. they were going to hit me,” his voice broke, and jeonghan immediately took him back in his arms. he ignored the own familiar pain in his throat and let seungcheol bury his face in his neck as he sobbed. 

“i-i tried to get away. i ran but, but i could still hear it following me and i couldn’t, jeonghan, i couldn’t-“ 

“shh, shh. it’s okay baby, it’s alright. i’m right here, i’m here with you okay? you’re safe cheol. i won’t let anything happen to you.” his husband cooed softly. a hand was brought to his head, stroking his hair slowly while the other was pushing gently on his back.

“sorry, i’m sorry hannie, i’m-“ jeonghan abruptly pulled away from seungcheol to look him in the eye. he kissed him hard, gripping his face with both hands until his lips hurt. 

“you have nothing to be sorry about, you understand me? don’t apologize. let’s sit down, okay?”

seungcheol didn’t really register what he had said but agreed anyway. he let himself be led to the couch by jeonghan, immediately gluing himself back up against the blonde’s body. 

“come here.” jeonghan said. he laid back on the couch, bringing seungcheol down with him. jeonghan spoke no more as he listened to the older’s breathing even out below him. his fingers rubbed circles on the nape of his neck slowly, squeezing whenever jeonghan felt seungcheol shiver. 

they laid in their places on the sofa for a while but jeonghan didn’t move. he peeked down at the older several times, unsure if he was awake or if he had tired himself out and fallen asleep. 

“cheol?”

“hm?”

he licked up lips, chewing them a bit. “let’s go to the kitchen. i think you should eat something.” 

seungcheol shook his head underneath jeonghan’s chin. “i’m not hungry.” 

“i don’t care, i’ll make you something anyway. drink some water, at least. please.” 

there was silence again, and jeonghan sighed loudly. maybe if they stayed like this a little longer and he let seungcheol actually fall asleep, then he could cook something for him. if pushing his husband to take care of himself was what was needed though, jeonghan would do it. he had before. 

warmth left him and he looked up to see his husband standing over him. 

“come on.” he said heavily. jeonghan got up, taking hold of a large, trembling hand and held it tightly before walking to the kitchen. 

seungcheol sat at the table, sipping from a cup in intervals as jeonghan moved around behind him. he listened to the sounds of food being chopped and sizzling in a pan on the stove. a lid was closed with a loud thud, making seungcheol jump a bit when he heard it. jeonghan sat across from him.

“rice will only take a few minutes,” his eyes scanned over seungcheol. jeonghan could feel tears welling up as he observed his husband’s body language but he spoke up. “cheol, look at me please.” 

with a tired sigh, seungcheol did as he was asked. 

“i’m not going to force you to do anything right now, but when you’re ready, i’m here to listen.” 

the soft words caressed seungcheol’s ears and covered him in a blanket of safety. he screwed his eyes shut and took several deep breaths. hands covered his own when his mouth opened.

“i was walking, and...i bumped into someone. i didn’t mean to, i was just thinking about-“ he cleared his throat. “th-thinking. i was just thinking.”

jeonghan nodded. 

“they knocked into my ribs and as soon as it happened my side started hurting. badly. it took a moment for me to stand up but when i did.....” his voice trailed off and jeonghan noticed his eyes staring holes into the cup in his hands.

“take your time, babe. i’m right here.” he reassured him. 

seungcheol’s leg bounced and jeonghan caught it immediately, putting his hand on his thigh to stop the movement but maintaining eye contact with a soft smile.

“i...i heard-i heard a car.” 

the blonde blinked. “just one?”

“yeah, i mean no,” seungcheol shook his head. “there were others just passing by but this one, it was farther away. i heard the tires squeaking, you know, like whenever you make a really sharp turn.” 

jeonghan nodded. “mhm. then what?”

seungcheol squeezed the younger’s hands without noticing as he continued. “it-it... scared me . i heard it again, then i started having these...flashbacks, or, memories? i was seeing things that happened in the past, and i could remember them happening jeonghan.” 

he finally looked up and almost wished he didn’t when he saw his husband’s grave expression.

“okay...” he said carefully. “what um, memories did you see?”

seungcheol shifted in his chair. the more spoke, the more he didn’t want to continue retelling the event. 

“i saw myself at work with hansol, and hanging out with soonyoung and jihoon. and....i saw you.”

jeonghan held his breath. the couple stared at each other for a second, watching the other’s reactions.

“what-what did you see?”

“uh, us graduating. you laughing beside me.” he blushed at the recollection of jeonghan’s flushed body flashing in his mind. “i also remembered the facetime call before...before the accident.” 

the younger inhaled. he let his head hang, then looked back up into seungcheol’s eyes.

“cheol, if you don’t want to say anymore you don’t have to.” 

his husband shook his head. “no, it’s okay. there’s not much else to say but, the pain from my ribs and head collided into this big ache and i was so... terrified of the sound i thought i was going to-um, going to get into another accident.” 

jeonghan squeezed his eyes shut, begging for the tears to stay inside. 

“i don’t know what was wrong with me, but i ran. i ran all the way back here until i got to you. that’s it.”

without speaking, jeonghan stood from his chair and walked around the table. when he got in front of the other man, he crouched until squatting in between seungcheol’s legs.

“jeonghan, wh-“

“stop. just listen to me.” 

seungcheol swallowed, fingernails scratching at his jeans covering his thighs.

“cheol, i am so, so sorry. this is all my fault, i-“ 

“what?! jeonghan, no it is  not !” he pushed back his chair to look at jeonghan better. once he noticed his teary eyes, seungcheol froze.

“but it is!” he cried. “if i hadn’t started that argument before you left, you wouldn’t have reacted like that. you weren’t in a good headspace and i shouldn’t have left you alone.”

jeonghan got up from the floor and seungcheol followed. the blonde took hold of his hands and stared at them even as tears blurred his vision.

“it is my job to take care of you, and you do the same for me, but i can’t be selfish. i was thinking about the wrong things, when i’m just happy that you’re safe, and here with me.”

one hand came up to hold his face, and seungcheol leaned into the touch.

“i do not blame you, jeonghan. i think i wasn’t ready to go out into the world alone regardless. today proves my point. it had nothing to do with you.” 

cheol hugged his husband then, wrapping him up in his arms and feeling the tension leave both of their bodies as they melted into each other’s embrace.

“okay,” jeonghan said, wiping tears off his cheeks. “let me get our food ready.” 

he filled both plates and they ate together in comfortable silence, hands linked in the middle of the table. they washed dishes side by side, jeonghan’s head coming to rest on seungcheol’s shoulder as he dried the last few.

“oh, cheol wait. here i um-“ jeonghan stopped him from walking in the direction of their bedroom to scour through various drawers. he stopped and turned, suddenly shy.

“i forgot to bring this to the hospital when you woke up, and i’ve been so caught up on watching you when we got home i never gave it to you, so here.” 

he took seungcheol’s hand and slipped his wedding band-that was the same color as jeonghan’s engagement ring-onto his ring finger.

seungcheol smiled, looking at the way he shined under the light. “thank you, hannie.” he whispered, and jeonghan looked away.

“o-of course.” 

the older tugged his hand. “come to bed with me?” and jeonghan obliged.

exhaustion caught up to seungcheol when they finally settled in their bed. jeonghan’s arms were around him this time, one outstretched to cover seungcheol’s and lay over his hand while another snuck up his shirt and curled around his stomach. long fingers grazed the taut muscles shyly.

“cheollie?” 

“hm?” the man replied, half-asleep.

jeonghan moved around on his side. he left enough space between their bottom halves to avoid any discomfort, but pulled his head off of seungcheol’s shoulder to kiss him there.

“did you, um....did you see any memories of our wedding? or how we met? anything like that.” 

seungcheol breathed in and out several times, eyes already closed to welcome unconsciousness that was sneaking in. “no.” 

* * *

it wasn’t morning when he woke, seungcheol could tell from the lack of sunlight coming through the curtains. 

he expected to see his husband when he turned around but was met with cold empty space.

seungcheol stretched then pushed the blankets back. the slippers on his feet warmed his toes and he stood up, rubbing a hand over his face. he was going to go into the bathroom first, then look for jeonghan, when the sound of running water stopped him.

eyes looked towards the door. it was too distant to be coming from the bathroom, so it must’ve been jeonghan in the kitchen.

wearily, seungcheol slowly walked down the hallway. even though the thought was childish, half of seungcheol considered the possibility of an intruder in his home. he hadn’t brought any weapon to defend himself, so the man really hoped it was his husband. 

when he reached the end of the hallway, seungcheol poked his head around the corner to peer into the kitchen. the hunched over figure of jeonghan stood over the sink, the tap running underneath him. 

seungcheol continued to stare at him. he watched the younger shake slightly, his hands gripping the sink. his hair covered his face as his head hung low and blocked whatever it was he was doing. 

“...jeonghan?” he called. the older took a few steps, slowly getting closer to jeonghan without startling him.

the blonde froze in place. a hand came up to aggressively run across his face, and he sucked in a harsh breath. 

“go back to bed, seungcheol. i’m coming.” 

his brief answer made seungcheol pick up his pace. he strode over to jeonghan’s side, staring down the perfect structure of his nose and jawline as the younger refused to look him in the eye.

“jeonghan...are you okay?” seungcheol said, voice nothing but a gust of air. 

and jeonghan nodded, he nodded continuously but didn’t answer. seungcheol watched him lean over the sink again, shoulders shaking as he nodded. 

he was  _crying_ . 

panic swept over seungcheol, but even worse than that, pain coursed through his chest. jeonghan was crying. after the day they’ve had, his husband broke just like he did, but confined himself to another room so seungcheol wouldn’t comfort him. 

he threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around jeonghan, ignoring the gasp that left him. seungcheol let his hand’s rest on the younger’s stomach and pressed his face into jeonghan’s shoulder. 

he expected jeonghan to reject him maybe, tell him everything was fine and to go to bed, but instead his husband just cried harder. 

it reminded him of when he first woke up and saw jeonghan. how much he cried when seungcheol was opened his eyes, then when he learned he didn’t remember anything about their life. it hurt more than anything else.

“i’m sorry.” he said, hoping jeonghan heard him between his sobs

“it’s-it’s not your f-fault.” his husband cried. seungcheol squeezed him once before turning his body around so that they were facing each other. 

“it is. even if i didn’t mean to, i’m hurting you. i want to apologize for that, even if i can’t fix it.” 

they stared into each other’s eyes, and seungcheol recognized the look on jeonghan’s face. he wanted to kiss him. and seungcheol felt the tingling of his own lips tell his brain that he wanted that too. 

but he didn’t. he let jeonghan stand there with tears streaked on his face, waiting for something, anything. nothing happened.

his face came to bury where his shoulder and collarbone met. fingers curled in seungcheol’s shirt. the batting of jeonghan’s eyelashes tickled his skin but seungcheol didn’t move.

he held him there, covering jeonghan in his warmth to make sure he didn’t fizzle out. but it was the very least he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!!! i hope it treats everyone well and y’all stay safe! reminder that this work is FICTION, and i am not an expert on car accidents and/or trauma, so if this is medically inaccurate let’s just pretend it’s not >:) also i can’t believe we only have three chapters left wtf...based on the tags y’all might have an idea on what’s going to happen so i won’t say anything until it all unfolds hehe. but again, thank you so much for reading! comments, kudos, any feedback at all is greatly appreciated <3


	8. intimacy and lack thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongcheol are horny (LMFAO) but seungcheol gets to talk about it with someone new ;)))

the charge between the two men was slowly building, and both could tell. 

seungcheol couldn’t stop the suggestive thoughts bouncing around in his head, and being around the cause of them almost every hour, of almost every day, didn’t help. 

jeonghan would do the littlest things: groan when he stretched, arching his back and having his shirt rise up to show his stomach. or let out a gasp and curse in a way that sounded too sinful to voice pain if he hit his foot on the edge of their table. hell, the other man didn’t even have to be doing  anything . seungcheol would stare at him, laid out on the bed, scratching his bare thigh absentmindedly and the older would still have to force himself to leave the room before he passed out from how fast the blood travelled from his brain, then downwards. 

and seungcheol didn’t even want to mention his dreams and how obscene they had become. 

but little did he know his husband went through the same struggle. 

seungcheol wasn’t the most modest man, and he was in the comfort of his own home, so he had a habit of walking around shirtless. 

and jeonghan didn’t not have any problems with it. absolutely none at all. 

but averting his eyes so he wouldn’t melt if he looked at seungcheol’s body for too long was becoming a bit tedious.

jeonghan had to force his eyes to stay in front of him instead of wandering to the older’s muscular back under the fluorescent light of their kitchen. or the expanse of his broad shoulders. or his pecs. or his abs. or-

sometimes seungcheol would turn around to see his pained expression looking over the couch and would be the sweet man he was and check on him.

“hey, you okay? you look constipated.” he laughed with a water bottle in his hand. jeonghan watched as he squeezed it on accident, making water burst come out and droplets hit the counter. 

“y-yeah, i’m good.” he would just say before squirming on the small piano bench. 

it wasn’t seungcheol’s fault, poor thing didn’t even know what he was doing. but jeonghan could only conceal so much. his husband was always home, making jeonghan confine himself to their bathroom to relieve himself. 

and he would come back into their bedroom after an extra long bath to sit beside cheol as if everything was fine. even though his fingers were pruned and cramping. 

“don’t forget to take the laundry down tomorrow before we leave, it’s your turn.” he said as he sat down. seungcheol heard the soft pats of his hands on the sheets beside him. 

“where’s my lotion?” jeonghan asked. 

“oh i put it back in the drawer. i thought you were done with it.” he responded, eyes not looking up from his phone. 

“can you hand it to me?” 

“yeah, give me a second.” 

he continued to stare at the screen for another minute and the younger sighed. 

seungcheol’s hands almost dropped his phone when jeonghan came closer and leaned over him, sprawled across his legs as he rummaged through the beside drawer. 

his brain stalled with bringing words to him as he peered down at jeonghan’s back covering his lap. seungcheol watched his shoulders move as he looked, and looked further until he somehow ended up on his behind. 

nothing more than seconds were given for him to ogle before jeonghan pulled back, lotion in hand. 

“i...said i would get it...” seungcheol stuttered. 

jeonghan just rolled his eyes. he popped the cap and got the desired amount to put on his bare legs. seungcheol noticed how smooth they looked. 

“please. you were gonna take another four years to get this lotion.” 

keeping up their conversation was no longer occupying seungcheol’s mind. all he could focus on was jeonghan. he smelled so good from his bath, and he looked gorgeous in seungcheol’s big t-shirt. it was a waste that he couldn’t devour him. 

“and if you wanted to stare at my ass you could’ve just asked me to bend over, i would have gladly done it.”

he heard and almost broke his neck trying to meet jeonghan’s eyes. 

his husband was just smiling innocently, and  it seemed that jeonghan was done talking. he grabbed the remote and flicked on the tv, staring at it while rubbing lotion over his hands. 

seungcheol pretended he was still looking at his phone as best as he could. 

* * *

he sat on the couch, staring at a stray sheet of music on the coffee table to ignore his leg bouncing as he waited for his husband, who was bustling around the apartment.

“where are my fucking keys?” jeonghan groaned, and seungcheol closed his eyes. the former blonde, now raven haired man like himself, sounded too good whenever he swore. hearing him mutter curses under his breath always made the older’s mind wander if that was how he would sound with seungcheol on top of him. 

“i think they’re in the drawer by the microwave!” he said loudly. seungcheol chuckled to himself when he heard jeonghan’s footsteps slide then change direction. 

“thank you baby,” his husband sighed. jeonghan stopped by the side of the couch to kiss seungcheol on the temple before moving to the chair beside them and picking up his jacket. “you ready to go?”

seungcheol ran a hand over his face, shoulders falling. “i guess.”

jeonghan looked over to the other while he put on his jacket. he paused for a moment before coming closer. “hey. don’t be nervous. doctor bae said he was good, and mingyu of course. you’re just gonna meet him for today, okay?” 

seungcheol still stared down at their carpeted floor until he felt jeonghan’s knee knock against his own. 

he wasn’t startled when the younger slid down to sit on his leg and wrap an around around his shoulders. in fact, seungcheol pulled him in a bit more. 

“i know. i just...” 

jeonghan nudged him. “just what?”

the older chewed on his lip. he stopped and felt jeonghan’s hand, breath shivering as his thumb pulled seungcheol’s lip out of his mouth. it took a few more seconds before he spoke. 

“what if-what if he tells you something bad about me, about my condition? i feel like this is a bad sign hannie.” 

jeonghan nodded along. his hand moved to card through seungcheol’s hair while he voiced his fears. 

“cheol, many people go to therapy, for many reasons. this is just a way to figure out what’s going in your head. and if anything, i think it’s a sign for something good.” 

his husband blinked. “r-really?” jeonghan shook his head again, and smiled to show his teeth. 

“yes, i do. you and him can probably talk about some things you can’t talk about with me-which is  _fine_ -and that’ll be good for you. you’re going to feel better without all that stuff polluting your brain.” fingerpads scratched at his scalp, and seungcheol’s eyes fell shut again. 

“you don’t even know what’s going to happen yet. give it a try.” jeonghan’s hand was now covering his collarbone under his shirt. long fingers stretched up to rest against his pulse. seungcheol wondered in the back of his mind if his husband did it on purpose to make it speed up, because it had certainly worked. 

“okay.” seungcheol whispered. 

the couple didn’t move, watching each other for a while in the same position. seungcheol watched the younger’s eyes move down to his lips. he squeezed jeonghan’s side, making him let out an involuntary gasp. 

the older leaned forward to press their foreheads together, not breaking the eye contact. jeonghan exhaled forcefully, almost panting with his lips just a hair away from seungcheol’s.

he shifted so their nose bumped and made a noise seungcheol didn’t want to dwell on. 

“we should probably go now,” he tried to say while licking his lips, voice sounding more breathless than he anticipated.

“mhm.” jeonghan answered, though it sounded as if he didn’t hear what his husband had even said. his hand now gripped seungcheol’s shirt over his chest, not ignoring the feeling of the other’s arm flexing behind his back where he held him on his lap. 

the sound of the doorbell ringing made them both freeze. 

jeonghan suddenly stood up, looking the exact opposite of how he did moments ago. 

“that’s mingyu, come on.” the words rushed out. he stepped around the couch and quickly made his way to the door. 

seungcheol got up too, sighing before joining his husband where the bell rang. 

“yeah i just took him out to for our six month anniversary so-oh, hi hyung!” 

seungcheol’s eyebrows rose to his hairline when his coworker suddenly hugged him. he looked over to his husband, who was stifling a laugh. 

“ah, it’s been so long since i’ve seen you. you look good though! we all miss you at the shop. how have you been?” mingyu buzzed, joy obviously evident. he was still as talkative as he was since seungcheol last saw him.

“good, all things considered. i missed you all too, i’ve just been...getting all my ducks in a rows before i came back.” he said with a tight smile. 

mingyu nodded. “oh, and i understand that, don’t worry. it just hasn’t been the same without you bossing us all around. but let’s get moving, i’m sure you don’t want to be late!” 

he moved aside in the hallway to let them through. seungcheol went first, watching jeonghan close and lock their apartment door before sticking his hand out. his husband eagerly took it and mingyu smiled at the display as they walked towards the elevator. 

* * *

the three of them sat in a caramel colored waiting office for around ten minutes before minghao came out from the hallway.

seungcheol heard the footsteps before he saw the man and stood when he arrived, his husband and coworker following. xu minghao looked exactly how he expected, but also didn’t. he was lean, and wore plain clothes accented by a nice watch, fancy belt and simple necklace adorning his neck that mingyu mentioned he had gifted to him. 

the man was foreign, seungcheol could tell, but easily had the confidence of someone who had lived in heart of seoul their entire life. he strode over to him and showed his hand politely. 

“hello! you must be choi seungcheol! gyu’s told me so much about you, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“and you as well, mingyu really never did shut up about you at work. it’s nice to finally put a name to a face.”

he watched minghao smile at mingyu, who blushed and turned away. something about their obvious affection they had for one another made seungcheol bite the inside of his cheek, hard. 

“and you’re his husband, jeonghan, if i remember correctly?” he spoke again. 

jeonghan shook his hand. “yes, we spoke on the phone.” 

“right. well, seungcheol, you’re my last patient for today so why don’t get started? are you joining us too, or-?” he looked between seungcheol and jeonghan. 

“ah, i think for today i’ll wait out here, if that’s alright?” minghao smiled knowingly. 

“of course. seungcheol, follow me?” 

they started to walk before mingyu called out, “wait, we’re still on for dinner after this right?” 

minghao laughed. “yes babe, we are. just hold on.” 

the man smiled dopily and sat back down next to jeonghan. 

seungcheol watched minghao put a few things away in his office. it was a nice tidy space, with bookshelves and cushioned chairs, as he expected. 

“so,” the younger said as he plopped down in the seat in front of him. “how are you doing? no hidden meaning, i genuinely want to know how you feel as of right now.” 

“uh, i feel good. my injuries are pretty much healed, and i’ve been spending time with my friends and jeonghan so...things have been really good.” he answered in one breath.

minghao tilted his head. “i’m glad to hear that. have things...usually not been good for you, besides now?” 

seungcheol looked up him, causing the therapist to laugh a bit. 

“i’m just asking! no underlying questions yet, remember?” 

he nodded, trying to mask his unease. “i mean-i have ups and downs.” 

“don’t we all?” minghao laughed again.

it was quiet for some time, then he spoke again. 

“seungcheol, i can tell you’re...anxious? or uncomfortable. either way, it looks to me that you don’t really want to be here. so tell me, besides doctor bae and my boyfriend’s recommendation, why did you come? why are we talking right now?” 

seungcheol exhaled, forcing his nerves to stop the bouncing of his leg. he uncurled the fists on top of his thighs and meet minghao’s expecting eyes.

“i went out by myself a week ago and it didn’t end well. that, and the way i act with jeonghan.i still don’t remember much and i’ve tried so hard, but nothing feels  right! i just want to get back to normal. that’s all i want, but i can’t do it on my own.” 

he didn’t realize he was crying until he saw a box of tissues in front of his face. seungcheol thanked the younger, trying to rub off the pink on his cheeks to avoid further embarrassment.

“i understand, at least some part of your situation. when i moved here from my home in chinaduring high school, all i wanted was to just go back to the way things were. it felt like i was on an entirely different planet, and it was very isolating.”

seungcheol looked at him to show he was listening but said nothing. 

“if i may, can i ask about what you said earlier? about your husband?” the older ripped apart the used tissue in his hands but slightly nodded. 

“you said what happened when you when out by yourself and how you act with jeonghan is why you came to talk to me. how do you act with him?” minghao leaned forward. 

seungcheol fought a sigh. “it’s hard to explain. i miss what we had before my accident, but i barely remember anything about our relationship and we’re fucking married! i see him all the time but he feels so far away. i want to hold him and kiss him and-“ he swallowed roughly. “but i just  can’t .” 

“why can’t you do those things?” 

“because...it wouldn’t feel right when we haven’t gotten back to the regular us yet. i don’t want to rush things and mess everything up.”

minghao squinted and tilted his head. “so you aren’t intimate?”

he further explained his question when seungcheol’s eyes widened comically. 

“by that i mean,” he started with a hand out in front of him. “you aren’t...couple-y? you guys don’t kiss, or cuddle, anything of that variety?” 

“i mean sometimes we do but...it’s not much. it’s brief.” seungcheol replied. 

“so i’m assuming sex is also a no?” 

“yes.” he answered again, ashamed of the venom is his response. 

“can you tell me how your husband acts around you?” minghao asked, leaning back in his chair. his arms crossed over his chest and seungcheol didn’t like the inquisitive look on his face now. 

though he was reluctant to, seungcheol described jeonghan’s actions. sharing what happened between them in the confined space of their own home, but minghao didn’t seem like he was judging. if he was, he hid it really well. 

“can i suggest something without you getting upset, or offended?” he inquired after the older was done. 

“it depends,” seungcheol furrowed his brows. “are you going to say something offensive?” and minghao laughed even though seungcheol didn’t think what he said was funny. 

“seungcheol, i think in your case, being more intimate with your husband, and not backing out, will serve as a solution to your problems.” 

“you sound like my friends.” seungcheol scoffed. 

“maybe because i think we have a closer relationship than a regular old patient and psychiatrist. but what i meant is that jeonghan is distancing himself. i can tell he is from how you said he acts around you, even if you don’t think so, he is. i believe he thinks that he’s doing what’s best for you, not what’s best for your relationship.” 

seungcheol didn’t hide his confusion. “i still don’t follow...”

minghao sat on the edge of his seat. “there’s no coming together to mend something if you’re both pushing each other away. with jeonghan holding himself back and you doing the same, there’s nothing to actually fix. you need to stop being scared of fucking up-oh dear, excuse me. actually no, that’s right. stop being scared of fucking up and connect with him. he misses you more than you know because he has those memories that you lost. you don’t have them, but how do you think you’ll get them back seungcheol? creating a space in the bed between you two and not kissing him back? that will solve absolutely nothing.” 

seungcheol sat speechless. minghao straightened his posture in the chair, clasping his hands together tightly. 

“and this is coming from a place where i hope friendship can form. not as a therapist.” 

he shook his head slowly. “i think i want to come back for another session.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay y’all im gonna be honest i can feel my writer’s block building, i normally have chapters planned out ahead after i update so chapter 9 & 10 are almost done BUT i’m just not happy with the way they are now and idrk how i want this to end. idek how i feel abt this chapter. anyway i planned on updating in a few days but idk...if the wait is longer than expected i’ll have the chapter be a big one to make up for it. thank you all for reading i really appreciate it, comments, kudos, and any feedback is all appreciated as well <3


	9. guardian angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungcheol takes minghao’s advice, but unexpected hurdle almost throws him off course (there is smut in this chapter it’s in like the second half, y’all can skip it and just wait for the last chapter if you want, it’s just jeongcheol fucking nothing important LMFAO)

minghao’s words penetrated through the hard material of seungcheol’s skull and seeped into his brain, the organ soaking it up like nutrients vital to it’s survival. 

he had realized, with scoldings from both his friends and his therapist, that he was creating the tear in his own relationship. not his accident,or the amnesia, or the ptsd, but solely him. 

and seungcheol was determined to make it right. he thought he couldn’t do anything but the answer was literally right there in front of him. and he had avoided it, but no more. 

he started small with things he had already been doing before: reaching for jeonghan’s hand to hold, holding him when they slept. and jeonghan responded the same as he always had. 

but after a few more sessions with minghao discussing how seungcheol could further making his affection known, he started doing more. 

he wouldn’t hide his admiring gaze when jeonghan would do a mundane task, and when the younger asked about it he would just respond simply with a wistful “you’re so beautiful, that’s all.” 

then his husband would turn away to hide the blush on his cheeks and deflect. “i’m not even doing anything...”

seungcheol would smirk and offer back, “wanna come over here and do something then?” 

jeonghan would blanch for a second, then roll his eyes. “don’t start something you can’t finish,  cheollie .” 

seungcheol would press on, “who says i can’t?”

“you did.” jeonghan would counter, and that ended the conversation. 

he wasn’t just bolder with his words. it took some more encouraging and at least three more appointments with minghao, but seungcheol found himself initiating much closer interactions with his husband than before. 

it started out small. he would watch jeonghan move past to sit beside him on the couch, then right before he sat down seungcheol pulled his arm forward so that he landed directly in his lap. 

jeonghan gasped and fingers curled in his shirt to steady him. he would look at seungcheol in shock, who just stared at the tv. 

the younger’s mouth opened and closed, but he didn’t protest. seungcheol let him adjust and shift on top of him, finally being still when arms were cocooned around him. 

it become a habit of theirs to nap together like this (especially after jeonghan’s lessons) with neither man protesting once. 

when they were brushing their teeth before bed, seungcheol might tug at one of jeonghan’s fingers until he moved closer. he would maintain eye contact with his husband in the big mirror as he let his chin fall over his shoulder and his free hand rest on his hip. 

jeonghan, obviously tired with his heavy eyelids and slow brushing, would close his eyes and bring his face closer to seungcheol’s. seungcheol would rub his nose against his cheek, his hand sliding up jeonghan’s body to touch his neck. his heart thrummed in his chest at the close proximity. his fingers would frame jeonghan’s neck like a picture to be displayed. it was beautiful, and deserved to be admired, just like the rest of him. 

but seungcheol would step back seconds before jeonghan turned to face him, holding onto his side until he stopped swaying then beckoning him to come to bed. 

in other instances he would go farther than expected and regret it. 

seungcheol saw jeonghan in the kitchen, struggling to get a mug from one of the higher shelves in the cabinet. before he could think about it, his legs took him over to where his husband was and planted his body directly behind jeonghan. 

he reached up wordlessly and got hold of the cup, noticing the way jeonghan tensed as soon as he realized seungcheol was there. he slowly brought it down to the counter to give himself to appreciate the unexpected closeness. 

“here.” he said softly, still staring at jeonghan’s side profile. 

seungcheol forgot how to breathe when he felt jeonghan’s hand cover his on the handle of the mug. 

his husband rotated his head to look at seungcheol. he was smiling. 

“thanks babe.” jeonghan was now fully facing him. it felt like electricity crackled in the small space between their faces. seungcheol both loved and hated these moments filled with tensions where all they did was look at each other. the possibilities of what could happen were endless, and thinking about it made an embarrassing heat coil deep in his gut. 

“want some tea? that’s what i’m making.” jeonghan offered. his voice was soft but it still rang through seungcheol’s head like an alarm. 

“...y-yeah. sure.” seungcheol couldn’t reply normally, not with jeonghan looking at him like that through his lashes. 

“okay...” he nodded. the younger smiled again, fluttering those pretty lashes. “i need to get by, cheol.” 

seungcheol nodded once, dumbly saying, “right.” but didn’t move. 

jeonghan sighed. seungcheol watched him get even closer, so close all that was in his line of vision was his nose, then his lips. 

“are you going to move, or just stare?” he heard jeonghan breathe into his ear, then gazed into his eyes that swirled with so many emotions it made him dizzy. 

he expected more teasing from the other, not a searing hot kiss being branded onto his lips. 

seungcheol hadn’t realized his mouth had fallen open while they were talking but jeonghan obviously did and took it to his advantage. the kiss he gave was open mouthed and a bit forceful. seungcheol felt their teeth knock together, that and jeonghan’s chest pressed against his. 

it lasted so much shorter than seungcheol had wanted. he had no time to kiss back because jeonghan was gone as soon as he came. he pulled back, taking a deep breath. 

“excuse me.” and then he wasn’t in front of seungcheol anymore but on the other side of their kitchen fulling up the teapot with water. 

seungcheol stood there for a second, then looked over to his husband’s back. 

jeonghan constantly riled him up, teasing and taunting the other like it was a game he’s played over and over again. but it could be over now. seungcheol could walk over there and kiss jeonghan until he couldn’t breathe, then they could finish whatever it was they started. 

and he was going to do it, but unease crept into his stomach. the thought of going farther than he ever had with jeonghan since the accident was so unsettling, and his mind constantly bombarded him with compromising thoughts to push him in that direction but here the opportunity was being presented yet...he didn’t take it. 

seungcheol cleared his throat and robotically plopped back on the couch, ignoring the throbbing behind his shirt and under his pants. 

* * *

jeonghan’s friends were visiting and seungcheol was restless. jihoon and soonyoung had taken chan to his audition at a school for dance out of town (with hansol and seungkwan tagging along to support him) and had already left when he asked to join them, so he was stuck in the house not knowing what to do with himself. 

“you can stay there, we’ll go in the kitchen.” jeonghan tried to say but he shook his head immediately.

“no, they’re your company. i’ll just um, stay in the room, i guess.” 

jeonghan frowned and seungcheol hated the way he looked at him. sadness mixed with what he didn’t want acknowledge but knew was pity lingered over his features.

“you don’t have to leave, seungcheol. everyone hasn’t seen you in a while, i’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. seungcheol saw, and thought about how much he liked the way the sleeves of jeonghan’s sweater covered his hands, or how pretty he looked with his new short hair that curled over his cheeks then went to stop straight at his neck. 

“it’s just going to be awkward....” seungcheol trailed off, because there was really nothing else to say. it  was going to be awkward, because he hasn’t gotten back any memories with them yet. he didn’t want a repeat of what happened with hansol, with three other people. 

“i don’t care. i want you to hang out with us if you want to. i’m not forcing you, but you are invited. okay?” 

seungcheol nodded, and sat in the living room with a heavy sigh. he started to bounce his leg but quickly stopped after noticing jeonghan’s bright smile.

when his friends arrived, seungcheol honestly didn’t expect jeonghan to acknowledge him at all. they all spread out across the furniture in the living room but jeonghan was right next to him, tucked into his side as he talked animatedly with junhui, wonwoo, seokmin, and jisoo.

“it was seokmin who climbed up and danced on the billboard, but it was in the university’s newspaper! the dean almost had a fucking heart attack. we had to make an effort to hide the alcohol for the rest of damn semester because of you!” jeonghan laughed loudly as he retold the story. 

“okay it was my 21st birthday, i think that’s a valid excuse for my behavior. let’s not act like you were the most perfect ra either! i had to complain to OTHER PEOPLE about you and seungcheol fucking every night.” 

the friends erupted in more laughter as the oldest out of them blushed and bit his lips. he peered over at seungcheol, who was looking back at him with a small smile. 

“junhui was easily the most annoying, though! remember the time he and soonyoung somehow filled the fountain with liquor, then swam in it?!” 

seungcheol’s eyebrows raised. his fingers grazed jeonghan’s leg to get his attention. when he got it, seungcheol gave him a look and jeonghan nodded to confirm yes, they really did that. 

“god, one of my best stunts. i don’t even care that i almost got expelled for it.” jun giggled, crying out when wonwoo hit his shoulder. 

“you almost got expelled?! what the hell is wrong with you?” he scolded. seungcheol watched in awe. 

“keyword ‘almost!’” another smack reverberated through the room. 

a deeper, quieter laugh made seungcheol change his gaze. 

“pledis university definitely hated us. well, not me.”

jeonghan leaned forward in his seat. “yeah, because you were a hermit.” 

“i was not!” jisoo protested. loudly. 

“if we weren’t roommates for the first two years there i would truly believe you were a still virgin when graduation came.” 

seokmin hummed in agreement and jisoo scowled. 

the afternoon continued as such, with seungcheol reacting appropriately when needed. he did his best to fit in even though he had no memory of the stories they told, and faked laughter at all the inside jokes. seungcheol noticed jisoo’s eyes on him more than once, but jeonghan didn’t. he squirmed uncomfortably in his place next to his husband who was too busy talking to his colleagues. jeonghan only spoke to seungcheol when he got up rather abruptly and awkwardly tried to step over the different pairs of legs spread around their living room.

“where you going?” he asked sincerely, large eyes twinkling as he looked up at the older.

“i’m getting some more wine. you guys want-“ seungcheol chuckled when their company nodded. “okay then, i’ll be right back.” 

he made his way into the kitchen, bracing himself against the sink with a heavy sigh. his social meter was quickly running out, but he figured he could hold out a little longer to make jeonghan happy.

with more drinks of course. 

he turned around, flinching hard when he saw jisoo standing right in front of him.

“sorry! i didn’t mean to scare you.” the man giggled, hand covering his mouth.

seungcheol took a few breaths. “no no it’s fine i just-i didn’t hear you coming. shit.” 

“i wanted a water but you were gone before i could ask for one.” 

seungcheol’s mouth fell open in realization. he slid away from where jisoo stood and went to the fridge, pulling a bottle off the shelf then handing it to his husband’s friend. 

“thanks.” jisoo smiled. seungcheol nodded and started looking through the wine cabinet. he stared at the bottles for a moment before pulling one out. when he closed it, jisoo’s face appeared right as the door swung back. 

seungcheol blinked, looking over to the sink where they met earlier, then back over to where jisoo stood now. “uh, hey?” 

his lips were pulled together in a tight line that looked like it was supposed to be a smile before he spoke up. “can...can we talk for a second?” 

“um...sure.” seungcheol set the bottle of wine down. “what’s up?” 

jisoo stepped forward with one foot. seungcheol’s eyes peered down at the movement, then at jisoo’s body language. he was hugging himself and gnawing at his bottom lip. seungcheol blinked hard as he watched the man look at him from under his eyelashes. 

it had such a different effect on him now compared to the countless times jeonghan had done it.

“do...do you remember me?” he finally whispered after an excruciating amount of silence.

seungcheol gave himself a moment to think before responding. he recognized the laughter he heard replaying in a memory as jisoo’s, and had seen himself hanging out with the younger a few times, but that was all.

“bits and pieces. every day i remember something little. why?”

jisoo moved closer. 

“i need to get this off my chest, cheol.”

seungcheol looked around frantically, nerves lighting up within his body at the other’s words. “o-okay...” 

“ever since your accident, i’ve been thinking about you. every single day. i couldn’t stop thinking about how you could’ve died, how we could have just lost you. how i could’ve lost you...without fixing things.” 

tears were welling up in his eyes, and seungcheol could hear the sob building in his voice, so he kept quiet.

“we dated the last year of high school and the summer before college. i don’t think you remember, it was only about a year but god, it was the best year of my fucking life seungcheol.” 

seungcheol’s hands had curled into fists at his sides. he stared jisoo in the face intensely, jaw unintentionally clenched while he listened. despite his demeanour, his heart pounded against his newly healed ribcage. 

“we had a fight and broke it off, and i’ve regretted it ever since. nobody else has been as good as you were to me cheol. i love you. i’m so fucking in love with you and i have been for all these years even though you’ve moved on. but i just couldn’t help but notice how different things are between you and jeonghan now-“ 

“stop.”

jisoo faltered, blinking at seungcheol’s face even as he turned away. 

“so i’m right. things are different.” 

“of course they are! i lost years worth of memories!” seungcheol fought to keep his voice low so the others wouldn’t overhear their conversation.

jisoo shook his head stubbornly. “but i feel like this is a chance, or a sign, or something that could bring us back! seungcheol i love you so fucking much-“

“so does jeonghan.”

“but i loved you first!” 

seungcheol didn’t look at jisoo anymore. his breathing was shaky and he could hear his heart beat in his ears. he didn’t know why, but jisoo’s talk of an entire life they had together that he had no recollection of made him feel...sick? angry?

wrong. it felt wrong to hear, and wrong to even think about.

“seungcheol,” he gasped when he felt small hands take his own. jisoo was looking right into his eyes now. “take me back, leave jeonghan. you could be happy again! truly happy, with me! please cheol, i love you.” 

seungcheol shook his head quickly. “no. i’m sorry, i won’t. what we used to have is gone and it’s time to move on jisoo. i have, and i’m happy.” 

jisoo let out a small cry, a hand coming up to cup seungcheol’s cheek, and the older felt his heart lurch. he felt bad for jisoo. he was clinging onto something that was  long gone. 

seungcheol decided not to crush him, leaning into the touch. jisoo cupped his face with both hands. his eyes shook with something seungcheol didn’t want to decipher.

then he kissed him.

alarms rung in seungcheol’s brain as soon as their lips made contact. every part of his being knew it wasn’t right, from the quick movement of jisoo’s mouth and harsh grip of his hands to his forceful hips brushing against seungcheol’s front.

seungcheol tore the palms off of him and tried to contain his gasp. he looked at jisoo, wide eyed, who was grinning.

“i missed you so much cheol, come back to me. please!” 

he flung himself into seungcheol’s space again. hands dug into his shirt while jisoo’s wet face met his chest, and discomfort twisted in seungcheol’s stomach like a knife.

“what the hell is going on?” 

time froze for seungcheol. he could only watch himself in what felt like some sort sick out-of-body experience where he was a puppet and someone else controlled his life. seungcheol saw himself clutching an equally as suprised jisoo, then he saw jeonghan. beautiful, angel jeonghan, staring at him with a look that he wouldn’t wish to be thrown at even his worst enemy. 

jeonghan’s eyes shook like jisoo’s, but they held something different than what his did. his eyes shook, and his hands trembled at his sides, and seungcheol hated how he could read his lover like a book in that moment. 

“jeonghan, wait-“ his voice betrayed him and made his fear be known as it wavered. he stepped back, as far away as he could from jisoo, until his back hit the side of the refrigerator. “it’s not what you think.” 

the angelic man said nothing. his features hardened, creating a mask of steel on his face. 

“jeonghan,  please. i didn’t-we were just talking, okay? nothing else.” 

“some  _talk_.” jeonghan spit, words coming out to sting seungcheol like bitter poison travelling through his ear, up to his brain, then down to stop his heart. 

seungcheol walked towards him. “no hannie, let me explain. jisoo was coming onto me, he was saying nonsense but it was one-sided. i don’t want anything to do with him in that way.” 

he looked over to jisoo to meet his eyes. “tell him.” 

the younger swallowed, looking between him and jeonghan. he sniffed and kept his gaze on seungcheol. 

“i was just trying to reclaim something that i had before you did.” 

the men heard jeonghan suck in a harsh breath. 

“if he wanted you, he would have you. and he’s  married.” 

“that’s doesn’t have to be a problem.” jisoo said, eyes roaming over jeonghan. 

seungcheol’s eyes widened at the implications of his words. he was speechless, but his husband answered for him in record time. 

“get the fuck out of my house.” 

the sentence was announced in a low voice, lower than seungcheol had ever heard jeonghan speak. he was unsure if jisoo even heard him. 

“ _get out!_ ” he said louder, definitely loud enough for the others to hear in the other room. 

jisoo straightened his posture and strode out, making eye contact with seungcheol as he passed him. 

“uh, i think we’ll catch you later hyung!” wonwoo’s voice called. protesting could be heard from none other than junhui as his footsteps got closer to the entrance. seokmin yelled another goodbye, then the door shut, and silence filled in the apartment like a fog. 

seungcheol felt fear run through his veins, but he looked at jeonghan who had shut his eyes tight. 

“jeonghan...” he licked his lips. “he came onto me. you have to believe me.” 

jeonghan took a loud breath. his palms dug in his eyes, then he groaned. 

“jesus cheol,” he started. seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed as he listened. “i’ve been trying so fucking hard but it’s all slipping away.  _fuck_. ” 

the older shook his head. “what are you talking about jeonghan?” 

“everything!” jeonghan cried. he was glaring at seungcheol with wet cheeks and red eyes, eyelashes sticking together with tears. 

“everything is fucking slipping away from me! our life, our marriage! one of my best friends just tried to get you to _leave me_! in our own god damned kitchen! the fact that he thought he could do that, that he thought he could take you from me in our own house so  _easily_. if that’s not a sign i don’t know what is.” 

he was sobbing brokenly in between sentences. every word was shot and flung at seungcheol like a cannon ball. his chest ached with pain as he walked over, jeonghan not noticing him getting closer. 

“god and i had-“ he hiccuped. “i had no idea. i thought everything was fine. i only came in here because i wanted the fucking wine. he could have swayed you-and then you would have left seungcheol. what if i didn’t come in here, huh? what if you remembered being with him and decided that’s what you wanted?” 

small hands hit his shoulders, but not hard. jeonghan was crying too much to do any real damage. he shuffled to seungcheol’s arms that started to open, but shook his head and opted for running a hand through his messy hair and pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“i would never do that jeonghan, ever.” seungcheol said plainly. 

“you don’t know that! you could have gotten your memories back and then just left, you don’t know...” jeonghan trailed off, starting to cry all over again. 

“no, jeonghan. listen to me. jeonghan!” 

seungcheol tried to hold him still but the younger shook his head repeatedly, swaying as he fought weakly to get out of the other’s grip. hands held on tightly to his arms and he cried out in frustration when he couldn’t get loose. 

seungcheol had tried to level his thoughts and respond in the best way possible to calm jeonghan down but was unraveling himself as well. seeing jeonghan like that, so hurt and broken, it made him feel sick. he wanted jeonghan to know that he never even considered it, and he never would. seungcheol couldn’t imagine his life without his husband at his side, pushing him to keep going even when he didn’t want to. tears spawned in his own eyes as the thought came across his mind. 

“i don’t love him jeonghan, i love you!” 

and jeonghan stopped resisting. he peered up at seungcheol, who looked straight down into his eyes. 

“i love you jeonghan. i love you more than you fucking know, and no accident or past life could ever make forget that. sharing my life with someone else isn’t what i want. i want you, the man i married.” 

seungcheol inhaled shakily but didn’t stop there. 

“i don’t need all my memories to know how i feel about you. you’ve been with me every step of the way. it’s been hard but you never gave up, and i’ve been falling in love with you all over again because of that.” 

a hand came up between them and held jeonghan’s cheek. the look on his face made seungcheol want to stop talking and kiss him until all of the pain blossomed into warmth and sweet saccharine. 

“i love you. i would choose you, no matter what. in every circumstance, and any life time.”seungcheol sighed.

jeonghan wasn’t speaking and it made him nervous but he didn’t dare show it. the younger ducked his head and inhaled shakily. seungcheol could still see him chewing on his lip. his hair hung over his face, making a beautiful jet black curtain that, when pulled back, revealed a perfect nose to blend into a perfect face. long delicate eyelashes, sculpted cheekbones colored a soft pink that matched enticing lips. 

seungcheol realized that jeonghan wasn’t his husband, he was too ethereal to be given such a plain label. no, jeonghan was his guardian angel, that tied him back to earth who he blindly followed to bask in all his glory.

he held jeonghan’s chin in between his thumb and forefinger to lift his gaze up. seungcheol couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the man, even with as broken as he looked.

“you’re everything to me. absolutely everything.” 

seungcheol didn’t rush the words out, but as soon as they left him, he pulled jeonghan forward, making him stumble in between his arms and blindly holding onto his shoulders when seungcheol kissed him.

the older held his ground even though he so badly wanted to melt into the kiss. he put a small amount of force against jeonghan’s mouth until he was suddenly gone and met with air.

“you-“ jeonghan gasped. “you kissed me.”

seungcheol grinned. “yes i did.” 

“you kissed  me.” 

“i know hannie.” 

“you never kiss me.” 

“i know.” 

jeonghan blinked at his husband across from him. seungcheol stood still, letting him slowly process. 

“do it again.” 

a smile so big it hurt his cheeks spread across seungcheol’s face. jeonghan was smiling back at him, with tears in his eyes again. 

and he kissed him again.

hearing jeonghan sigh and almost go limp in his arms made seungcheol go damn near ballistic. hands gripped jeonghan’s face, squeezing his puffy cheeks then travelled. they found their way on his back as seungcheol still kissed him, their bodies fighting to get as close as possible. his sweater was pulled up rather hastily and then seungcheol was running rough palms against the smoothness of his skin.

jeonghan’s sound was muffled against seungcheol’s lips but the fact that his actions led to its production made a shiver run down his spins, which his husband noticed. 

“wait, cheol,” 

seungcheol pulled back half in a daze, pupils blown when he looked at jeonghan, who was also a sight.

“is this okay?” he whispered. seungcheol felt the ring on jeonghan’s finger as his hands rubbed his biceps, and sucked in a breath. 

he pulled the younger in by the hips, drinking up the gasp that left him.

“yeah.” 

jeonghan nodded, then wasted no time in kissing seungcheol again. he ran his tongue across his bottom lip, smiling when seungcheol groaned and using it as his chance to push the muscle inside.

however, when a thigh slotted in between his shaky legs and brushed against him his confidence faltered. jeonghan whined needily, face directly in front of seungcheol’s.

a second passed and he was being lifted by his own thighs. catching on, he wrapped legs around his husband’s waist and planted hot kisses all over his face, then down onto his neck.

seungcheol used all of his willpower to focus onto carrying jeonghan into their bedroom. as soon as they got close to the bed he let go of his legs and dropped him, waiting for his body to land properly before climbing on top of him and resuming the kisses.

jeonghan moaned wantonly in his mouth. all the sounds he made were hushed by their lips pressed together and seungcheol needed them to fuel him. every single little noise amplified his arousal.

seungcheol pulled back a bit to look at his husband’s face, overcome by his everlasting beauty. “i love you.” he said sincerely, because he did, and he would say it over and over again until jeonghan got tired of hearing it, even though seungcheol knew he wouldn’t. 

“show me.” jeonghan dared, staring back at cheol with just as much lust mixed with adoration behind his heavy lids.

then he wrapped his arms over his torse and pulled at his sweater and shirt until it came over his head, leaving him bare. 

seungcheol could only stare in pure awe at the being beneath him. jeonghan wasn’t even naked but seeing him so close to being fully exposed made his skin itch with _want_. 

he copied his husband’s actions and tore off his shirt with a quickness, almost at the look on jeonghan’s face as he gazed up at his chest. 

seungcheol lowered himself but held his weight by framing his arms beside jeonghan’s head. he kissed him on the lips, sweet pecks that he didn’t let develop into more before he dove down to the spot that had been originally tormenting him what felt like years ago.

the moan jeonghan let out when he felt lips suck at the skin on his neck could have won an award. he squirmed, tilting his head to have more and his husband obliged.

the whines and subtle lifting of his hips encouraged seungcheol to bring a hand to his chest. deciding not to hesitate if jeonghan was already this responsive, he swiped a thumb overhis nipple then began to pinch and pull at it after cupping jeonghan’s pec. 

and jeonghan fucking _yelped_. his hips bucked again, and a hand flew to back of seungcheol’s head.

“ _fuck._ ” he whined out. seungcheol took it as a sign, moving his hand away from jeonghan’s nipples to pop the button on his jeans.

and jeonghan eagerly helped him rip them away, along with his underwear after he repeatedly nodded yes to seungcheol’s questioning look.

“you too, please?” 

cheol smiled and crawled off the bed, pulling down his sweatpants in one swift movement. 

“where’s the-?” he asked before climbing back over jeonghan.

he groaned and leaned over to his side of the bed, pulling out the drawer and feeling around before finding what he was looking for then thrusting it towards seungcheol. 

the older took it from him with no hesitation, popping the cap of the bottle then looking at jeonghan. he couldn’t help himself. he kissed jeonghan, hard and messy, biting at his lips and memorizing his taste so that it would always be stuck in the forefront of his mind. 

jeonghan gasped when he felt the lube fall over him unexpectedly. seungcheol drunk up his sounds, feeling intoxicated on every single thing the man did. 

the small bottle was tossed to the side, and seungcheol’s kisses moved down to jeonghan’s chest. if his head wasn’t clouded with the haze of arousal jeonghan inflicted he would ask before wrapping a hand around him,and taking an already stimulated nipple in his mouth.

jeonghan cried out, fingers tangling in hair, and arched off the bed. the way he said his name only spurred him on, leaving hungry marks in his path as he moved down his stomach. large hands guided his legs up and jeonghan could only comply, pulling his knees up to his heaving chest. 

he should’ve been embarrassed, and somewhere in the back of his brain he was as he felt heat wash over his face but it quickly left when teeth were nipping at the sensitive skin at the back of his thighs. 

seungcheol continued to stroke him at a moderate pace. he glanced up his husband and his breath caught in his throat. jeonghan’s beauty, even when he was unraveling under his touch, was blinding. 

he whined, and seungcheol’s movements slowed. 

“s-stop, i’m gonna-“ he cut himself with a loud moan. pretty fingers curled in the sheets with distress. “cheol!” 

slick sounds resumed, and jeonghan writhed in his place. 

warmth covered him again and seungcheol was there, surrounding him and blocking all his senses. his body rose to meet him, and his husband chuckled darkly, which he would’ve responded to boldly if he wasn’t drowning in pleasure. 

“it’s okay love, i wanna see you make a mess of yourself. come for me, hannie. it’s alright, i’ve got you.” he panted into his ear, then kissed the skin below it. 

and jeonghan was crying again, clutching seungcheol’s arms and bucking his hips, his orgasm looming over him in the form of his husband. 

beautiful, sweet cries tumbled from his lips when he came over his own clenched stomach. seungcheol worked him through it, strokes gradually coming to a stop. he squeezed the length in his hand teasingly, quieting jeonghan’s whine with a kiss that held the weight of his love.

he pulled back but stayed close enough to share breath. seungcheol’s forehead fell against jeonghan’s, and the emotion built up inside of him like a flooding well. 

eyes opened to see him there when he made a noise. 

“wanna suck you off. please?” jeonghan asked with wide pleading eyes. and seungcheol would never refuse him. 

just watching his husband stare back up at him behind long lashes as he took the head of his cock in his mouth could have sent seungcheol over the edge alone. he fought to contain himself, holding a breath in his throat. jeonghan took him in inch by inch expertly. it was such a sinful sight, watching pink bruised lips stretch over angry red skin until jeonghan’s nose was pressed against his stomach. 

he swallowed around him and seungcheol moaned wantonly. a hand rest on the back of his head to guide him, not that he needed it. jeonghan constricted his throat and bobbed his head with such confidence it made seungcheol feel like he was floating, thinking of all the past instances in which he experienced that perfect mouth again and again. 

“so good,” he muttered without thinking. “so fucking good for me jeonghan.” 

and seeing jeonghan preen at the praise made something primal come out of seungcheol. suddenly jeonghan felt himself being dragged up and draped over seungcheol’s bare chest, returning the taste of himself until he couldn’t he couldn’t breathe. 

“i fucking love you,” seungcheol growled in between kisses. “only you. you’re fucking mine you know that?” 

jeonghan pursed his numb lips. his husband was mesmerized by the act. “do you?” 

a loud slap met the air and he moaned. 

“don’t get fucking smart with me.” his husband was glaring at jeonghan with fire in his eyes, but it quickly diminished as he kissed over his face and slapped the same spot on his ass. 

“please, cheollie.” the younger whined, rolling his hips with no shame. 

“oh, now you’re begging?” 

jeonghan whined again, louder, burying his face in seungcheol’s neck. 

“stop. please, i need it.” 

“need what?” seungcheol punctuated with another slap after spreading his cheeks. 

“ _you._ ”

a sneaky hand ran down his chest to grip his cock and tug at it with vigor. jeonghan relished in the way seungcheol sagged against him at the contact. 

but his confidence was forgotten when wet slick fingers ran over his hole. 

to his misfortune, seungcheol noticed him faltering. 

“okay?” he asked with a smirk, but jeonghan saw the concern in his eyes. 

“yes. please.” 

as soon as the first was inserted jeonghan started to push back down onto the digit. seungcheol didn’t treat him as if he were fragile, adding another finger when he saw how easily the first was taken.

when he was three fingers deep jeonghan didn’t hide his restlessness any longer.

“god, cheol. not enough, i need-need more. i’m ready seungcheol.” he mumbled but his message was heard clearly.

carefully, seungcheol took jeonghan out of his and maneuvered him onto all fours. he rest his head on the pillow and wiggled his ass in front of the older, gasping at the expected smack.

“wait,” jeonghan turned over and pulled seungcheol in by the waist with his legs. wanna see you.” 

his heart flipped. responding with a kiss for the thousandth time, seungcheol let jeonghan guide him to push inside slowly.

jeonghan only made the sounds of angels, and it made sense, because seungcheol surely felt that he was in heaven. the tight heat around him, and scratches at his back bringing a delicious pain that he couldn’t describe powered his thrusts that shook jeonghan below him.

and _jeonghan_. jeonghan was ruined, mouth open to bellow all pleasure and eyes shut to pair with a body frozen in place as it arched to meet another. 

“you’re mine.” seungcheol found himself declaring with a hand grasping jeonghan’s throat with increasing pressure.

“y-yours, yours cheol, oh  _fuck!_ ” his husband said. 

seungcheol placed a light kiss under jeonghan’s knee before pushing his legs back until they met his chest, then hooked one over shoulder and resumed with no warning.

he was afraid jeonghan’s voice would go out with the volume of his wailing. tears freely ran down his face as he sobbed with bliss. seungcheol knew he was fine, more than fine, but still lowered the leg on his shoulder to lean down and hush jeonghan with a soft kiss.

“i love you.” he whispered.

jeonghan’s eyes shined with tears, and seungcheol knew memories of the past were held there but he swore he could only see the rest of his life laid out in them.

“i love you, more than anything.” 

seungcheol recognized the phrase from when he woke for the first time after the accident. the contrast in situations made his heart seize. he would never stop making up for all the lost time he could have spent embracing his husband, worshiping him.

jeonghan cried out as seungcheol fucked him, though he wasn’t rough. they moved in time with each other, declarations of love living in the little space left between them.

they finished together, seungcheol shushing jeonghan’s sobs and holding him as he trembled. the serene quiet besides their heavy breathing washed over him. jeonghan was his anchor, his heart beat keeping him awake. every part of jeonghan replayed in his head and his hands touched them as they showed. the younger’s fingers moved in between each dip in his spine quietly.

“jeonghan?” 

“hm?”

“you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

a deep sigh left him, and seungcheol met his eyes.

“seungcheol,” he smiled. “you’ve said that before.”

he blinked, then laughed breathily.

even he in the past already knew, he was lost without his guardian angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the cheesiest shit i’ve ever written but i’m actually very satisfied with it HAHA, i don’t really have anything to say but the next chapter is coming up so please expect that very soon as it’s already finished. this one was quite lengthy and i hope you enjoyed it, as always thank you all so much for reading my story! comments, kudos, and any feedback at all is greatly appreciated! :’) <3


	10. want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a sappy ending to the angst fest!

seungcheol told jeonghan he loved him as much as he could. 

when he woke and saw him for the first time for the day, when jeonghan covered himself in the warm clothes fresh from the dryer as seungcheol folded them, whenever he jokingly scolded hansol for messing with seungkwan during his lesson.

when he arched his back and whimpered seungcheol’s name as he fell apart under his tongue, or when he giggled uncontrollably from seungcheol’s relentless fingers digging into his sides. 

he was afraid the simple but not phrase would lose meaning because of his excessive use, but one look at jeonghan’s sparkling eyes whenever he said it erased the thought. 

seungcheol told minghao of their intimacy, and his friend seemed to be even more delighted about it than he was. 

“oh how wonderful! i’m very happy for you hyung. i could tell something was different, i noticed you glowing as soon as you came in!” the younger smiled brightly as he spoke.

seungcheol shushed him, blushing fiercely while trying to share as little detail as possible. 

“he missed you seungcheol, not just that part of you, but you being open with him in general. i expect a rather large check this week!” minghao joked, but seungcheol could tell his happiness for him was sincere.

not only was he a great psychiatrist, but an amazing friend. 

he escorted seungcheol out, giggling when his overly tall boyfriend attacked him with kisses on the side of his face. 

“have a good day seungcheol-hyung, see you next wednesday! mingyu stop, i’m at work!” he waved, laughing again when mingyu nosed at his neck and flapped his hand at seungcheol and jeonghan absentmindedly. 

the older couple smiled at them and stepped into the cooling air of the city. 

“how did it go?” jeonghan asked politely, thumb running over seungcheol’s knuckles. 

the older smiled, kissing his husband on the nose and internally cooing at the way he scrunched it. “it was great. i’m hungry, can we get takeout?” 

* * *

“hyung you’re so ass at this it’s not even funny. babe, please play with us, i feel terrible beating coups at his own game.”

seungcheol hit soonyoung’s legs that were draped across his lap. “fuck you soonyoung!”

“i don’t think jihoonie would be down for that, he gets jealous so easily. but seriously, how  this bad?” his friend snickered behind his hand holding the controller. 

“it’s...been a while, plus you’re obviously fucking cheating!” 

a body fell into the chair beside them. “normally i would defend you cheol-hyung, but soon is kinda right. this is the seventeenth round you’ve lost.” 

“you’ve been counting?!”

cackling came from behind them. jihoon came up to couch and slid into soonyoung’s lap. 

“give it to me, i wanna see if i can beat him.” he nudged at his boyfriend.

“wait until the match is over! jihoon!” soonyoung whined when the gaming controller was snatched out of his hands.

curses and words of encouragement were all blown out as jihoon and seungcheol fought each other, getting progressively louder as jihoon started winning.

yelling filled the room when jihoon delivered the final move, incapacitating seungcheol’s character. 

“that’s my boy!” soonyoung roared. he jumped off the couch and lifted up jihoon, ignoring his protests and kissing his cheeks. 

“damn it hyung! have our matches during lessons taught you nothing?!” chan shook his head disappointedly. seungcheol let the controller drop out of his hand onto the coffee table with a groan.

“jihoon and cheol-hyung, play against me and chan. i want seungkwan to record you guys getting your asses kicked by some high school kids.” hansol taunted. 

seungcheol was going to respond when quick footsteps covered his voice. 

“okay, we’re having pizza. anyone who objects can offer something else as long as they pay.” announced jeonghan with a sigh. his husband opened his arms in invitation and he took it, plopping onto his lap and tugging at jihoon’s arm beside him.

“what happened to the spaghetti? i was looking forward to that.” seungkwan pouted from his place beside his boyfriend, who smiled and kissed the side of his face with unabashed love, causing him to turn pink as laughter came after his question.

“it was all going well until seokmin came in, then the noodles somehow ended up burnt and the meat was overloaded with salt.” a glower was sent behind the couch to the younger man who sheepishly smiled.

“i think that means he’s paying, correct?” hansol spoke with an eyebrow raise.

a cannon of agreement answered his question, to which seokmin responded with both middle fingers. he took out his phone them walked over towards the doorbell that just rang throughout the apartment.

seungcheol chuckled, turning back to jeonghan who was messing with jihoon’s hair. he smiled when their eyes met, and seungcheol swore his heart grew in size. 

“hey.” he supplied, not particularly having anything to talk about. seungcheol was perfectly content with just watching his husband exist.

“hi.” 

seungcheol’s grin stretched wide, then he shook his head. “you should’ve known better than to let seokmin help you in the kitchen.” 

jeonghan barked out a laugh, but it was still so attractive. “yeah, but i wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself. obviously this was yet another lesson.” 

they snickered together in their own little bubble,drowning out the noise around them. this included the new arrivals that were making their presence known at the moment.

“hey everyone! i’m sorry we’re late, my last appointment stayed a bit longer than expected.” an accented voice said, and seungcheol smiled before even seeing the face to match it. 

he took minghao’s hand that wasn’t holding his boyfriend’s and shook it. mingyu greeted both him and jeonghan before taking sight of the controller and grabbing it.

“hey, who’s turn is it? i wanna play!” he seated himself next to chan and wonwoo, who had been mostly quiet until now.

“mingyu you fucking suck at combat games, please don’t embarrass yourself like this.” the deep laughter rumbled out of him.

mingyu and him started bickering, and junhui managed to be the only one who could wonwoo to stop going back and forth with him. 

“seems like the party started without me.” 

“jisoo-hyung! where the fuck have you been, i’ve been waiting on that beer forever!” chan sprung up and tried to take the case of drinks out of his hand but was stopped by a hard slap across his hand. 

“no underage drinking in my house.” jeonghan said, now standing with hands on his hips and staring down his dongsaeng. chan sucked his teeth and sulked back over to his spot between junhui and mingyu. 

the beer was gingerly taken from his hands by minghao, who followed jeonghan into the kitchen. jisoo stood in his place for a split second, looking around the living room.

“hey, aren’t you gonna sit?” cheol gestured to one of the few unoccupied chairs, and jisoo nodded.

“thanks. couldn’t find one with all these damn people.” he said with a small grateful smile, then turned to start a conversation with hansol

about how his english class was going.

after a very awkward and long talk, jisoo had resolved the situation with seungcheol and jeonghan. he apologized excessively for his behavior, seeming to be extremely embarrassed by his own actions. it had taken some pushing but the couple eventually acknowledged his regret and agreed to put it behind them if jisoo promised to keep his distance with seungcheol. speaking to one another was still awkward, but polite conversation was shared when needed, and that was the first step.

“pizza’s here!” seungkwan called after answering the door not long after jisoo arrived.

a stampede of men all reached for plates and napkins as they stole as many greasy slices as possible. jeonghan reminded them several times that if any sauce or cheese got on his furniture there would be serious hell to pay, and they all believed him. even soonyoung and seokmin, who normally didn’t take the man’s threats seriously.

seungcheol kept a hand on jeonghan’s waist the entire time as they ate and joked. he took a bite of the pizza jeonghan had chosen that was different from his own. seeing the sauce at the corner of his mouth, seungcheol couldn’t resist leaning forward and licking at the spot then kissing him. it filled him butterflies, which overpowered the taste of mushrooms and green peppers.

“oh, gross! get a room hyungs.” chan groaned out loud. 

“they have one, this is their house dumbass.” was heard from jihoon, causing laughter from everyone.

“yes, and please don’t encourage them because they will use it.” wonwoo added.

seungcheol only stuck his tongue out and resumed kissing jeonghan sweetly. 

the night continued with more laughing and smiles, as well as drinking. the karaoke machine chan brought from his own room had to be hidden from an intoxicated seokmin but sober seungkwan, who were obsessed with obnoxiously singing with it. 

they also watched several movies ranging from comedy to horror. having jeonghan curl into him with fear seemed appealing to seungcheol until his husband was the one who ended up holding him and his dramatic friends next to them. 

everyone got along well, which made the couple happier than they expected. it had been a while since they were all together, and with some new additions, their activities were even more fun.

after everyone had left with sleepy smiles (except for jeonghan’s students, seungcheol’s best friends, and of course seokmin, asleep in their living room) they made their way to bed and went through their regular routine. the familiar warmth of each other’s embrace lured them to sleep sooner than expected.

“cheollie?” 

“yes, hannie.”

“what do you think about us having a baby?”

seungcheol’s eyes opened with shock, staring at jeonghan’s face. he looked completely nonchalant. his eyes were still closed and lips rested against each other calmly.

emotion bloomed through seungcheol’s chest, and suddenly he found it hard to breathe. he pulled jeonghan close, inhaling his scent. hands roamed over his skin and body, and jeonghan just let him.

jeonghan’s laughter, his sighs, and moans all drifted in his head. all of his husband was surrounding and suffocating him, but seungcheol found that he was completely okay with it.

he was completely okay with jeonghan and only jeonghan, making up half of his mind, body, and soul until his left this earth only to find him in another life. 

jeonghan was his line to this world, so of course he said the truth to his question.

“i think the same about it as i do with anything involving you,” seungcheol whispered, kissing different parts of jeonghan’s face before pressing their noses together.

“there’s nothing i want more.”

** the end <3  **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story has finally come to an end, so soon too! i really didn’t expect for it to end this early because i know myself but all of the comments and love pushed me to keep writing. sorry if this chapter is short, my endings always are because i want them to be cute :3 i’m very happy with how this fic turned out, it’s been stuck in my head since last year and the support has been more than wonderful. again, thank you all so very much for reading my work, i truly do appreciate it. expect more from me because i am always writing, (and feel free to check out my other fic if you liked this one hehe) and you may even expect it soon ;) i am so grateful to all of you, so much, thank you for the love!!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> y’all this is fiction, so all that about seungcheol’s condition and the coma and amnesia could be very inaccurate bc i am in no way an expert on these things. butttt thank you for reading!! kudos, comments, feedback are all greatly appreciated :)


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